HELP!

It's the end of the school year here, and ohhh, that's always an adventure!  I have been trying to get the house ready for the onslaught of kiddos here 24/7.  I like to go into summer pretty organized so that I can be frustrated by the end of day two with the mess the place has become.  

This week, I did a quick project to get the stairs looking less disgustingly grimey.  I painted the bottom half of the stairs (where little hands most frequently go) a dark color so that it hides more grime and is more wipe-able. It was a quick easy project, provided you have a laser level.

I still need to remove the  carpet and finish putting up some more (new) pictures - but those are good summer projects.  Summer, children, and nails in the floor are always a good mix!

I'm realizing more and more that I love being a homemaker. That is SO not an avant-garde thing to say and I'm sure feminists everywhere would shudder, but I love making my house feel more comfortable and providing a place where my family can find peace and be a little better. Is that nuts? Perhaps - but it's my nuts and I enjoy doing it.

Oh - but I was going to ask for HELP and I've digressed!  I mean, I found a great "help" song to accompany the post and everything - how could I have forgotten?

Riddle me this?  It's the end of the school year (you might have remembered me mentioning that a few paragraphs ago) and I've been getting all the end of year teacher's gifts ready.  I like to get them nice things that they don't already have around - and NOTHING apple-y. Ohmystars - they are not orchard tenders - they are educators.

And so that stuff is (mostly) set. But what about folks like dance teachers and piano teachers? Do you usually get those individuals things at the end of the year?

I ask because I have always gotten the dance teachers things at the end of the year, and never once have they acknowledged it. No thank you, etc.  Am I doing the wrong thing? I notice no one else sends anything in and they look at me like I'm wonky when I do.  I'd think they'd come out and say "thanks."  The last two years, one of the teachers has told my girls, "Just put that over there."

I don't want to appear ungrateful - I am grateful for the business they provide - but they are being paid (rather handsomely) for their service. And if they seemed like they enjoyed the gifts or eeeeever mentioned it, it'd seem more special. But for now, it seems like a duty and as they aren't ever commenting, I'm wondering - am I off the hook?  Or should I downscale? Make cookies or something less pricey? Last year I got them dinner out - the year before, they got pedicures...those are examples of the things I've been getting for them...is that too much? Is that what I'm doing wrong? Am I embarrassing them with the "wrong" types of gifts?

hmmmm - HELP!

(OK - everyone help me FAST because I need to post about the argument at book club and for that post, I need to play my great Kung Fu Fighting song, and I don't want y'all to miss either jammin' tune!)

Just so ya know...

...I believe things should live up to their names.  If you say you are butt paste, I know immediately what you are. Same with carpet cleaner or stain remover.  I would expect those things to, respectively, paste my bum, clean my carpet, and remove my stains.

Which brings me to my point that...Fantastik is not so much Fantastick-y.

I was told it was the best stain remover out there. I wondered about that claim, seeing as it doesn't say "stain remover" on my bottle. (Is there another Fantastik?)  Perhaps my mother-in-law was smoking crack when she made that claim? 

It isn't the best stain remover. In fact, it hasn't gotten a single stain out, yet.  And it managed to ruin a shirt.  A very high-quality $2.50 Wal-Mart flag tee is now trash, good people.

So, I finally moved Fantastik from the laundry room to the kitchen. I thought surely there, it would live up to its name.

Nope.

It's not Fantastik at cleaning off your range.  It's not Fantastik at cleaning the smudges off of your very white fridge. It's not Fantastik at getting grime off the counter.

Folks, it's not even Groovy or Helpful.

It could pass as Marginal.

I just thought I should let the world know.  

Don't you wish TV was better?

I thought I'd let ya know what is ahead for me this week, and that I might not be around.  Quit yer sniveling...you'll get through it.  

I'm probably no more busy than you are, but I handle it worse.

It's already Tuesday (YIKES!) and I have 2 of my newest Relief Society girlies graduating from high school today, so I need to scoot about and get flowers and goodies to them.  That will be fun!  Of course it's gymnastics day, so it'll be a tight squeeze to get it all taken care of, but I'm an expert at that.

Tomorrow is our last dance class day of the season - but more importantly - it is BOOK CLUB night! We'll be reviewing Escape (and I still contend that polygamy eerily parallels The Bachelor) and my house is a wreck!  So I must clean and make some treats for the shin dig.  I also need to figure out what time my book group is meeting.  I really must pay better attention to details.

Thursday is back to gym and a host of classmom/church responsibilities to take care of and most importantly - it's the day to get ready for our big, fat, dance recital weekend!  WOOHOOO  

I don't have the kids' costumes altered, yet (whoopsies) and it'll be one day of rehearsing and one day of recital-ing and a lot of running around and sweating. It's a veeeeeeery long production and I'm planning on moving to the Zen portion of my brain to get through it.  

On top of these small things, I still have a calling (and a sister who has to find new housing by this Sunday and she has lost her job - argh!) and working out AND I decided to do something highly religious this week.

In my copious spare time, I decided to re-read The Book of Mormon this week.  

What was I thinking?

I've felt snark-y and not very patient with people lately.  This is evidenced by my saying to someone about her disdain for her Visiting Teaching route, "We're all big girls and we can do hard things - I believe in you."

Umm, that wasn't probably the answer she was looking for.  That was evidenced by her 0_0 (deer in the headlights) face back at me.

I thought that maybe doing something like this would help me feel more peaceful and help me get things in perspective. We'll see. You don't need to tell me that a massage would also bring about peaceful feelings and hurt my eyes less than reading.  he he  

But I need to get on top of my spiritual game and I think this will help me as it has in the past. I feel a lot of pressure to always be spiritually ready for drama now.  This morning, I awoke to a 1:30 am email from a sister asking if I was awake as she needed someone to talk to.  I love her and would have been happy to talk to her at 1:30 am about whatever it is, but I was sleeping.   Anyhoo - I'm just trying to get at the point that there's never rest from the advice giving/listening ear having aspect of my life, so I need to be prepared.

In (near)  conclusion, If I'm not here, I'm probably doing something relating to any of those things - or am enjoying just the general moments  of motherhood - like grocery shopping, cleaning the dirt off the ceiling of the guest bath, or explaining puberty to 1.0 (because her friend and cousins didn't do a very thorough job.)   

Clearly, you will all be torn up over my absence.  I'd suggest watching some TV. But seeing as there are very few good shows on this week, you might be sunk.

In  that case, I'd further suggest you recall some old shows you used to love, and relive them in your heart and mind. Now THAT sounds entertaining!  Once upon a time, there were so many good shows.  Watch them again in your mind's eye...and share here what shows you miss!

Cuz we are living in a material world

I'll admit it. I like stuff.  I'm not really a material girl, but I do love some of my loot.  A lot.

I have some jewelry that I love.  I mean LOVE love.  I got a ring a while back that all the kids knew about and kept a secret and I often wear it instead of my wedding ring. I love it because it was gotten for me by everyone and it was a total shock.  Oh, and I love it because it is gorgeous. It's a favorite possession of mine.  An equally favorite possession is the giant jewelry armoire it goes in.  Thanks, Mr. Mormon!

I have many pieces of children's art that are treasures to me.  I have my kids' art all over my home and some of it is even framed and hanging on the walls.  Kid art is candy coated preciousness to me.  I'm staring at a red paper plate crab now, complete with googly eyes, that I think should be in the Met.  

I also love my car.  My friend calls it KIT from Knight Rider because it can do anything.  She got upset one day when *I* messed up and used the wrong voice command and it didn't reinterpret what I meant and do it anyway.  She said it should have read our minds - he he.  Anyway - I love its blackness and shininess and sun roofs and how the OnStar folks call me Mr. Hillis.  I love me some sun on my head - at least when there is air conditioning blasting on my face.

So - why am I sharing this?  I was thinking - if I had to choose a prized possession, what would it be?  My scriptures I've had for 10 years that have traveled all over with me and are well marked and falling apart and have seen me through lots of trials?  My dining room table that I think has the smooshiest chairs out there?   My hammered aluminum lovingly given to me by family members that makes me so happy every time I put appetizers on it?

I guess overall, my most prized possession (and of course, I'm excluding relationships and people from this category) is probably my home in its entirety.  Does that count as one possession? Or have I broken the rules? But, while my home isn't perfect, it makes me happy and all the little things in it have a lot of meaning to me.  

And if we deem that one can't claim one's home in its entirety as a favorite possession, then, I guess I'm an equal opportunity lover of all my stuff and have no favorite.  I don't want them to get jealous of  each other and wreak havoc one day when I step out.  Ya know?

Care to share? What is your prized possession? Do you have one?  Do you care? Are you so un-materialistic, you are embarrassed by my wanton love of stuff?  (If you are  - then you must not have known me for long!  har!!!)

Ruh-roh

Rah rah Ree

I hope a pound came off of me!

Rah rah RAAH

Instead I'm saying waaaaaaaaaah!

I've eaten salads for lunch most days.  I've exercised every day but one.  I chose healthier snacks - or none at all. I've consumed enough water to flood a New Orleans levy.  I did have some peanut butter one night after 7 pm. Sue me.

So far,  I have felt hungry more often than not. And I've successfully gained 2.5 pounds.

Even I have to laugh.  And don't start the whole, "I'm sure it's muscle" stuff - we both know that's a lie. I didn't gain 2.5 pounds of muscle in a couple of days.  Thanks for trying, though! The entire thing makes me snicker at myself.

Clearly, I will have to listen to my theme song more frequently as I'm not giving up, yet!

Oh-oh-oooooh muffin top...

you'll always be

o'er the top of my jeans!

Bad old muffin top.

Muffin top Mormonyyyyyyyyyy

Once again - pause my player and laugh!

Even I have standards

I like some reality TV.  Specifically, Project Runway and Dancing With the Stars have captured my heart. I was a huge fan of The Mole - a game wherein the contestants have to figure out who among them is sabotaging their capture of the grand prize - and am looking forward to its revival.  (I also like Real Housewives of New York City, but would probably deny that when not under the cover of anonymity.)

I like smart reality TV.  Or at least, reality TV that does no harm.  Ok - reality TV that doesn't do significant harm.

Then, there's The Bachelor.  aie yie yie

I have never watched The Bachelor on the pure principle that it's demeaning. Self-respecting women line up for a chance to woo someone.  Aren't we past that place in our history?

Last week, I caught the end of The Bachelor. I was channel surfing and got to witness the grand proposal.  The Bachelor was oh-so-romantic. He used her full name....."Monkey."  Oh yes he did!  He said (this is nearly an exact quote), "Monkey, will you marry me?"  sniff - who could say no to such a romantic proposal?  (I have to wonder if he actually knew her name, what with all his dalliances...)

I've been thinking about why this show bugs the tar out of me. I'm not exclusive with high-minded television; certainly Project Runway isn't making the world a better place.  And I'm a pretty silly girl.  I love to laugh about most anything and I don't take myself too seriously.  One might think the ridiculousness that is The Bachelor would be right up my alley.

But I do take the place of women in the world pretty seriously.  So many women have spoken up and spoken out against being treated like a piece of meat. And here we have a gaggle of girls all competing for arranged dates with a man that producers tells them is "a keeper."  Ladies living in a house competing for one man's attention...grown women sniping at each other over a guy's affections...

Puh-lease.

I just finished reading this book.

I take autobiographies/memoirs with a grain of salt. But if half of what this woman wrote is true, her life was rather horrific.  She spent much of her life trying to escape a polygamous cult. 

She risked her life to leave a culture  where her marriage was arranged by someone who told her this man was "a keeper"...to escape ladies living in a house competing for one man's attention...to escape grown women sniping at each other over a guy's affections...

I'd love to have a woman who has escaped a polygamous cult marriage talk to these bachelorettes.  Just for an hour. 

Mama's miracle!

I do not desire to be graphic. But I experienced a miracle today and I need to share it with the world.

Move over Jackie Oh - you're not the only one having some miracles.

Picture it.

the Mormon master bathroom

It's the morning.  Dawn's early light is peeking through my tasteful wood blinds with goldenrod curtains.

I, Mama, hop on my slim, white WeightWatchers  scale to see if I have miraculously lost 20 lbs over night.  (A girl can dream.)

sigh - no such luck

Now - picture a disheartened Mama shuffling to the potty.  

At this point, you might want to halt the visualization.

After a most discreet and genteel tinkle, I re-weighed myself before popping into the shower. And WHATTHEMONKEY? I'd lost a pound.

A pound of tinkle? Clearly, this was a Mormon miracle.  I have to share it with the wooooooorld.

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaack!

Isn't the backyard lovely?  Gotta love life in Florida...a happy little spring day...

Oh - now what do I think I spy with my little eye?  Could it be?

Our little gator is back.  Can you spy him?  He's on the ground a bit to the left of the tree with his head looking at the water.  Right after I took this shot, he spooked and went into the water, so I couldn't get y'all a better peek.

When I came back home this afternoon, I was looking for him again and couldn't find a gator, but right where he was, I did spy this little family.  I wonder if they know their neighbor next tree over is a gator. Should I tell them? (It's hard to see here, but the sandhill cranes have 2 babies.  sniff)

Sing it with me!

Oh-oh-oooooooh
Muffin top!

You'll always be - over the band of my jeaaaaaaaans!

Bad old muffin top...

Muffin top Mormon-yyyyyyy

Muffin top Mormon-yyyyyyy-yyyyyy

I can't stand it anymore. I'm losing all the weight I've gained with this calling.  Starting NOW.

Well, actually, starting yesterday, if we're going to be technical about it.

After I cleaned all that dust out of the exercise room, you'd've thought I would have stuck with working out. You'd've been right, too!  But 1.0 kicked me with her boot (oh yes she did!  Anger management classes are clearly in the child's future) and knocked my perfect pedicured tootsie's nail off.

Ergo, no sneakers for this Mormon.

But I tried working out again yesterday and it went well.  I'm fighting shin splints fierce, but while that's a pain, I always perk myself up when I realize I have shin splints because I have seriously great calf muscles that are stronger (and more attractive) than my front-of-the-leg-muscles (whatever those wimps are called.)  I worked on them for a long time (the whats-er-name muscles) and hope to show them who is the boss within a few days.  

I got to my lowest weight of adulthood after I had 3.0 and I'm headed there again, homeys.  I have been so stressed out about everyone in the ward's life dramas, I find myself eating and eating and eating while I worry.  And I was having trouble finding time to work out - it seemed everyone needed a piece of my day.

But things are calming down and I've found an hour a day I can get working out done.

I know I'll never be thin - I love food too much. But I want to feel better.

I'm also back on my strict "No food after 7 pm" rule.  That was a great help last go round, but it's so dang hard.  But it helps keep food out of my choppers for at least 12 hours a day. Most folks' dramas seem to happen at night and they want to talk to their handy dandy Relief Society President, but I'm just going to stay awaaaaay from the Sara Lee during those hours.  

I decided to treat myself to a pedicure for every 2 weeks that I stick with my daily working out. That way I'll have great toes AND a less-jiggly bum.  I gave myself an advance pedi today as incentive. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. 

My goal is to run a 5K within a year from now. I totally have the endurance - it's the flocking shins (those great calves of mine are such a curse!)  I am hoping by announcing my goal here, I will, well, STICK TO IT!  :)  A ton of gals in my ward keep doing triathlons and while I wish I could muster the enthusiasm to join them, I just can't.  I am just not interested in doing that, but I would like to really challenge and stretch myself somehow more physically.  We'll see!

Bye bye Muffin Top

And not from buying fatter jeans...

Not from buying fatter jeaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaans!

I took a ride in the relaxi taxi!

That's a picture of Yours Truly chilling out in bed after a calm, easy, completely enjoyable Mother's Day.  Life is gooooooooooood...

That's right!  In spite of vomit and a Visiting Teaching Conference that we catered yesterday, it was a relaxing, enjoyable day. Mr. Mormon did a great job of keeping me cool, calm, and collected, and helped make it a lovely holiday.  There were great gifts, he made dinner (HUGE!) and even kept the kids out of my hair for my marathon phone call with Jackie Oh.

He's a good boy.

So Mr. Mormon - here are a few song tracks for you!  And here's a kiss, too - pucker up!

In case you thought I was kidding...

...I'll have you know 3.0 has puked not once but twice this Happy Mother's Day.

The curse lives on.

But that's pretty low-key for one of my Mother's Days.  I'm still awaiting the anvil on my head.

Update - make that 3 times on the puking. 

You know it's time to be released...

...when your VT Coordinator tells you her lesson is entitled The 6 Be's of Visiting Teaching  and you then feel compelled to make this.

Somebody, help me stop the madness.  The bees are complete with stingers.

weep

Next thing you know, I'll be wearing ankle length denim skirts, looking forward to Super Saturday, and telling people, "I appreciate ya!" 

I'm weak, I tell ya.  Weak, weak, weak....

A kind and loving Mother's Day breakfast

Today was our Second Annual Mother's Day Breakfast for Mama's Mama and Mr. Mormon's Mama.  Ohh - we spoiled them rotten with kindness on this most lovely day.

4 M (aka "Jackie Oh" and "Mama's Mama" ) and 5 M (Mr. Mormon's Mama) were welcomed by a handcrafted sign, prepared specially for the day by 2.0.  Clever little child.

Then, 3.0 escorted each guest to the table which had been lovingly set by 1.0, complete with place cards and fresh flowers.  Nothing but the best for our 4 and 5 M!

Next it was time for food.  We had menus prepared for the Ms to review, and 1.0 and 2.0 were their waiters.  Peruse the house specialties for yourself!

Welcome to the Happy H-name Harvest

Menu

(Large print version for ancient mothers and their spouses, available upon request.)

Starters

Choice of juice, water, or (back by popular demand) you can –

Make it moo with milk

Assorted pastries

Fresh fruit

Main Attractions

Southwest  Sensation

A tasty mix of sausage, egg, green peppers, onion, and potato – prepared to perfection - ole!!

H-name HoDown

A family favorite of hash browns, eggs, and sausage topped with cheddar cheese and full of YUM!  Takes ya back to your childhood – provided you had a mother who ever cooked you a decent breakfast, which none of us really did, but we aren’t going to go there right now.

Strawberry Strata

A delightful blend of cream and ricotta cheeses, eggs, honey, milk and strawberries baked brilliantly over brioche.  Mmmmm!!

A bit of everything!

Yes – you know you want it all!  Let us make you a plate with a sampling of all our best creations!  It’s like a Blue Plate Special, but…not, because those are tacky,and we’re more cute than tacky.

 

Seconds are highly recommended by the management.

Generous tipping ensures food is hygienically prepared next year.

And of course, with every good meal, one needs good music!  Only the best for our moms - so Mr. Mormon hand picked several lovely selections for 4 and 5 M's listening enjoyment - including peaceful ditties like 

Tainted Love 

Parents Just Don't Understand

SuperFreak

Another One Bites the Dust

Bad to Bone

Drama Queen

I Hate Myself for Loving You

and, of course

Families Can Be Together Forever

sniff - it was so emotional!

It was another special holiday for us sentimental saps.  Happy Mother's Day 4 and 5 M!  Thanks for birthing us out!  We hope we were worth it!  We pledge to pick a good home to put you in when you're (even older) geezers!

The history of Mother's Day - a la Mormon

I have a history of bad Mother's Days.  It's not Mr. Mormon's fault. It's my fate. My destiny.  I am doomed to have bad Mother's Days.  Luckily, I still really love being a mother and realize it's not about the day.  And now I know just to brace for the badness.

I know you're thinking, "Oh Mama - don't be mama-dramatic.  How bad could your Mother's Days be?"

Let me tell ya.

There was the year my eardrum ruptured on Mother's Day.  I took myself to the emergency room all night and there were toe nails on the floor.  The doctor had me remove all my clothing for my ear check.  Then, telling me it was too late to do anything, gave me medications that caused my blood pressure to go through the roof and land myself back in the doctor's office.  (I also got to have a tube up my nose that occasion.  I had the joy joy joy joy up my nostril - up my nostril - up my nostril.....)

There was the year I was on bed rest for Mother's Day.  Oh, that was fun.  That day was toilet plunger Sunday, as well.

There was the year this happened, too.  Here is a journal entry I found about last Mother's Day. Re-live the joy with me!

Mother's Day a la puke

I woke up on Mother's Day and immediately panicked looking at the clock.  Everyone was still asleep - and it was less than an hour before we had to leave for church.  ARGH

I hopped in the shower, dried my hair, threw on a robe, and made breafkast for 2 miniMormons.  And that's when it got ugly.

Miniest had gotten sick and it was eeeeeeeverywhere. I called down for Mr. Mormon to help me, and he took a couple of minutes getting there as he was finishing putting on his suit. So up comes a handsome, well-dressed, fully cologned man to help clean puke.  At least someone was ready for church on Mother's Day.

I got Miniest in the tub and Mr. Mormon stripped sheets.  Then I had to race downstairs to work on non-pukers' church hair.  I got them settled and organized and shipped 3 of my family members off to church without a mother on Mother's Day.

0_0

Then, it was back to Puker. Got her cleaned and dressed and decided I was still going to make myself look cute on Mother's Day as, heck, I'd bathed and that was half the battle!  I just needed to flat iron my hair and get some clothes on and this day wasn't going to be all shot to heck. Gosh, it wasn't even 8:30 am - plenty of time for greatness still!

So I started the laundry for Miniest and took her to my bathroom to do both of our hair. I turned away for one smidgey tiny second and Miniest (for the first time EVER) grabbed my flat iron.

Ohh - the scream of pain!

QUICK!  Rush Miniest to the fridge and get an ice bath going for the burn. On the way, I stopped in the other bathroom to grab some Tylenol for her and got her well-doped for both of our peace.

Once the screaming was relatively reduced, I thought we'd snuggle on the sofa and I'd hold her and let her watch some TV as a diversion while I waited for some of her (disgusting) laundry to finish.  We settled down, I had her all bundled up and snuggly, propped on the extra soft pillows (with not 1, not 2, but 3 chenille blankets surrounding her, arranged to her exact specifications) when....buuuuuuuuuuuurp.  Out comes the Tylenol.

What kind of mother am I to give a puker Tylenol?  ARGH

We head straight to the laundry room, and now, I've been puked on, so I have to carefully peel off my robe and her (once lovely white) dress and unwrap her from all the blankets and pillows, all the while, keeping the hand IN the ice water. While going through all of this, I realize, heck - at least the first load of puke laundry is ready for the dryer!  As I'm working on her and trying to figure out how to move the washing machine laundry to the dryer with the least amount of pukage touching moiself, I hear a strange noise coming from the family room.

Puker is settled enough she can sit tight for a minute and off I run - nekid mind you because my robe had been puked on - to find the source of the bizarre noise.  Ahhh - it wasn't an intruder or a rogue tornado racing toward my home!  It was just the dog having an epileptic seizure on the floor, spewing more body fluids about for me to clean up. 

Realizing I couldn't do a lot for the dog and now hearing shrieks of pain and misery coming from the laundry room, I left the dog to her agony, promising to clean her up in a few minutes. I did ask her why she couldn't have seized on the tile, but realized she was probably too occupied to have thought of that.

I got the wet laundry moved, the new laundry started, Puker calmed and re-tubbed, and I went back to the dog (Ok, still nekid, if you must know.)  I helped her outside (yes, nekid - sigh) and began pretreating the carpet and NOW I got some clothes on.  While getting dressed, I gave up on the hair and threw the flat iron back in the cabinet.)

I cleaned the carpet, cleaned the dog, and finished re-washing Puker, but this time I left her in a diaper.  See I'm no dummy! Back to the sofa for resumed cuddling/TV watching.  ahhh

It was about this time that Miniest Mormon saw the Tylenol dropper and wanted to play with it.  No problem, I thought.  She would take the 1.5 mL dropper, put it in her ice water bath, and then drink from the dropper. This is not something you or I might do (it's gross, frankly), but I didn't see much harm in it - and thought it would be a good test to see if she could keep tiny bits of liquid down.

She couldn't.

It was back to the shower for me after this hurl-fest (by way of the laundry room, of course!) Luckily, the dryer was now done, so I could get those things out and, gosh, wear them for the day as I'd first intended!  Puker needed a new diaper, and all of those were upstairs - so we went up there, changed her, and cleaned that tub of its vomitous remains.  A few minutes later, I was back downstairs cleaning the sink where I had had to sponge bathe her post-third-puke.

Downstairs, the dog had another seizure, this time in the laundry room and she cut her face doing it.  There was blood eeeeeeeverywhere.  I Florence Nightengaled-ed her up and it was now time to clean those throw rugs (eww!), take everything off the floor in there (ironing board, vacuums, etc.) and run the Scooba.

By this point, Miniest can handle no more no-Mama, so it's back to burn duty and huge amounts of cuddling.  

And as we cuddled, all I could think was....Happy Mother's Day!

With my track record, I'm clearly doomed to have an anvil drop on my head this year. It was nice knowing ya!  It truly is the best job in the world and no matter what happens that day, I do love being a mom.  Happy Mother's Day, homefries!

Because I love to make Mr. Mormon laugh

Life is short.  Pause the player (below) and giggle with us...

c

I love music, yes I do.

I love music, how 'bout you?

One of the best BEST BEST things about bloggging is adding the jammin' tunes.  I love to find a song to match my mood, my post, or one of my fellow blogger's sentiments.  

To date, my favorite musical blog addition was when I added Staying Alive after Jackie's most unfortunate hospitalization.  Oh man, did I laugh at that one. Although, I do believe, Jackie is not "a woman's man", but you still got the point.

It seems I regularly have a "theme song" for my life.  My theme song will often change (what can I say? I'm fickle.)  I find myself regularly humming the hymn The Time is Far Spent as I race about town trying to get all of life done. It seems appropos of late, especially the last verse. 

Be fixed in your purpose, 

for Satan will try you;

the weight of your calling he perfectly knows.

Your path may be thorny, but Jesus is night you;

His arm is sufficient, tho demons oppose.

Care to share?  Do you have a theme song for your life? At the moment, what tunes are speaking to your sooooul?   Be it funky fun, silly-ness, or something more transcendent, share away.

Blessed peace!

Long, long day.  

Rude kid.  Boogers.  Coughs.

Teacher Appreciation Week

(need I say more after that line?)

Trapped in Target.

Will this calling ever end?

But tonight.

Blessed, peaceful tonight.

aaaaahhhhhh

Dancing With the Stars

100th episode

Judges will reveal their favorite 10 dances of all seasons.

I'm sure to see Julianne Hough again!

1.0 and 2.0 will be at church.  3.0 will be in bed.

Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaah.

SMOOCHES!

Mama's Product Endorsements

Do you ever wander down the detergent aisle wondering if something else would be more Fantastik in getting your stains out?

Ever watch those late night informercials and ponder if the Ronco rotisserie is truly worth your hard earned dollars?

Sometimes, do you think, "I could probably look this item up in Consumer Reports and find out its rating, but I'm way too lazy"?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you have come to the right place.  I've decided to periodically evaluate some products and report in on their value here in the Mormon homestead.  Products will be rated in terms of miniMormons with 5 miniMormons being the highest rating anything can receive. 

Here, at What the Monkey, we pride ourselves in, well, not a lot because, as we all know, pride cometh before the fall. But if we were to be proud of something, it would be of our policy of inclusion. Ergo, please feel free to share your product endorsements, as well.  If you hated a product this Mormon has endorsed, you are probably wrong, but it's still important you get that off your chest and shed new (albeit possibly misguided) light on the subject.

And now - without further ado - some endorsements...

1.  Scotch-Brite Stainless Steel Cleaner (refill pads)

I grabbed these pads not realizing there is this entire system one should purchase to more systematically clean the stainless steel.  These pads are meant to accompany a "unique handle" that (I am supposing) will make the job all the easier.  oopsies

Nonetheless, the pre-moistened pads rock!  They leave a great shine on my garbage can and they have a fresh, lemony smell.  Oooh la la.  LOOOVE it. They are expensive-ish and there are only 6 in a pack, but seriously, my garbage can looks impressive.  I'd say you could eat off of it, but that doesn't sound like a really ringing endorsement.

I give Scotch-Brite Stainless Steel Cleaner (with no unique handle) - 4 miniMormons! 

2.  Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush Flushables

If you're like me, you're often thinking there HAS to be a better way to clean a toilet. And other than refraining from using the home commode and visiting the service station down the road every night, I'm reasonably sure there's not a way to make this a joyous and simple experience. (And it's not technically joyous to go to the service station, so I shouldn't have used that example, really.)  

But there are products that will make the cleaning less wretched.

One such product are Fresh Brush Flushables.  They make it possible for you to take a quick swish about the bowl, flush the gross away, and get on with life. They are best accompanied by those flushable Clorox Wipes-type thingys, so that you can clean your seat, clean the bowl, and have no evidence (because who really wants trash in the bathroom trash can?)

I enthusiastically give the Fresh Brush Flushables - 4.5 miniMormons!

3.  T. Marzetti Asiago Peppercorn salad dressing

If you love a creamy, peppery salad dressing - this one is for you. Ohmystars - it's yummy. It's uber yummy.  It's a yum flavor fest.  And on top of all of that, it was voted 2006 Dressing of the Year by The Association for Dressings and Sauces. (Shut up!  And here it is in my lil' ole house!)

I serve this dressing a lot and it has been beloved by everyone.  Or at least, they didn't choke or gag on it.  You'll find it in the store near the bags of fresh spinach and lettuce - not on the salad dressing aisle - as it is refrigerated.  With no glutton and no preservatives - how can you go wrong?

I give T. Marzetti's Asiago Peppercorn Dressing - 5 miniMormons!!  The highest honor I can confer!

At this time, I have decided not to berate any products, but am saving that for the future when I need to get some frustrations out.  Be afraid poor products!

Now, anyone care to share some of your favorite cleaning products or foods?  Go for it!!

Turn up the tunes and BOOGEY

I have nothing insightful to share at the moment, but I have received complaints from some of you that I have not updated in a few days.  I am busy homeys, but in the meantime, to keep you occupied I have...

1.  Added a new tune for your listening pleasure. Because yes - it's always all about you. And I'm a giver. So I gave you a new tune.  

The best thing about that song is the typewriter rhythm accompaniment.  Looooove it.  

It's OK to chair boogey to Nine to Five. It's the Net - we can't see you doing it. And even if we could see ya, we probably don't even know your real name.  DANCE!

2.  I will now give you a brief but cute 3.0 story.

This morning, 1.0 and 2.0 were playing that they were hurling off golf balls. Before they'd hit the ball, they'd say, "Fooooooore!"  

Here's an exact recounting!

1.0  Fooooooooore!

2.0 Fooooooooore!

1.0  Fooooooooore!

2.0  Fooooooooore!

3.0  Ooooooooooooooooooone!

We all giggled. She probably thinks we are the ones who need Special Ed pre-K at this point.  And she's probably right.  Frankly, we are known to have brain damaged people in this family.

Have a great day all and stay tuned for an exciting edition of  Mama's Product Endorsements, coming up next!  (After I make some compassionate service deliveries, take a shower, and get a kid off to school...)

Stumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen...

...pour myself a cup of ambition

and yawn and stretch and try to come to liiiiiife.

Hold that thought while I back up a smidge.

Jackie Oh's traumatic event of tragedy certainly was, well, tragic and traumatizing.  It wasn't cool and I don't envy her recovery process and doctor's appointments.

But leave it to me to make band aids out of latex.  I've made some all-new-life-changing-revolutionary decisions since Jackie's unfortunate hospital incarceration.

Namely, I cut a bunch out of my life.

No more volunteering in each kid's class one day a week.  No more SAC committee secretary-ing.  I told the Ward Music Chairman to please just, well, leave me the heck alone.  No accompanying, soloing, or anything like unto it.  I didn't resign as class mom, but I did make the announcement of what I am willing to do the rest of the year - no more - and other folks can just step it up.  I dropped out of carpooling with another mom (who, in actuality, just had me picking her kid up every day and never contributed) and overall, have just cut back a ton.

It feels GREAT!

A little boring, but GREAT!

OK, more than a little boring, but still great.

Great-ish.

Like, more great than bad, but not like super duper great.

Let's be honest - it's a smidge dull.

The calling is still insane, but I need a life other than that calling or I'm just horrid to deal with.

And the truth is, I don't want to go back to being class mom thrice over and volunteering at the school like crazy and going back to secretary-ing it up for the SAC committee - I really don't want to return to those stressors.  The very thought gives me acid flashbacks. (OK, I never took acid, but work with me, people.)

It's not that any of the things I was doing were bad. They weren't. I was just sick of them.  And I am looking for all new adventures to be sick of now.

But I would like to do a little something.

So yesterday, I got an email, possibly offering me a job. And I think it sounds perfect. 

A new charter school is opening up right near where Mr. Mormon works. It focuses on science and is well-established in South Florida, but this is its first school where I live.  They are looking for folks to comprise a school governing board.  The board will do everything from approving teacher selection (and administrator selection as well, I believe) to budget allocations/approvals, etc.  

I was nominated for the position by the principal of my big girls' school and by a personal friend.  Apparently, they are looking for someone on the board who meets the demographic of those they expect to have in the school (a parent who works in the research park where the school will be located - which, my husband does), someone who is familiar with how a school works and the legislation that governs it (which serving on SAC did for me), who has worked with children extensively (hello - PRIMARY!), blah blah blah.

Anyway, I've met the requirements and will have a phone interview soon. The man in charge said he was surprised in a county as big as mine to have heard the same name twice, so he knew he had to contact me. I was HONORED!   I was told I pretty much had the job IF I wanted it - but they had heard I had recently cut back on all my commitments, so they hoped I'd still consider them.  (he he)  My commitment would involve once to twice monthly evening meetings, and then lots of reading at home so that quick, informed decisions can be made about the school at the meetings.

It will also mean professional attire at said meetings.  :)

I'm excited to find out more.  YAY  I know I'm the token mommy-contribution to an otherwise professional board, but someone had to take one for the team.

I had hoped to start a little lunch delivery business when 3.o started school, and was pretty excited about that. But this is something I can do now that will be a lot less labor intensive for me, and hello - I get to wear cute clothes for it!  SCORE!