You know your family...

...has an engineer in it when everyone spends the better part of their weekend playing with a physics tool on the computer to make a Roub Gouldberg machine.

You know you are old when you go into Old Navy to find a new frock and realize you've owned every style featured in the store at some point in your life.  

You know you are old and crochetey when you refuse to buy anything because you already lived long enough to learn - 

A. white pants look good on virtually no one larger than a size 2.

B.  there are few virtuous reasons to wear a gold lame bathing suit.

C.  baby doll dresses look best on folks with no breasts, hips, or bums. Or, well, baby dolls.

You know you have OCD about placement and symmetry in decorating when you  are discontented with how some IKEA storage boxes are looking in the corner of the family room, so you seriously consider an addition for better chi.

You know something is off in the world when you see plenty of normal folks driving cars when you are out on the road - but in the DMV, you are the only one doesn't seem to have a steel plate in her head.

Organizing Visiting Teaching is really...

...just like playing a giant Bejeweled game of people.

Think about it.

If you were ever a Visiting Teaching Coordinator, you know that comment just spoke to your soul.  You're just trying to get three in a row.   But then, one person moves, and suddenly, everything slides down a spot and something goes ka-boom.  And just when you get it all fixed and in place - you level up and start all over.

Dang profound, isn't it?

Pods are not just storage units

Help me good folks inside my computer!

I am looking for some great podcasts to grow attached to in my copious spare time. Any recommendations? Be aware that I'm a nerdy girl and like educational and churchy things, as well as news stories - generally - I prefer things that make my brain bigger.   Things for kids would be cool, too.

So?  What'cha got for me?  

Thank you, people of the interwebs!

Seriously!

Between Mr. Mormon and myself, we're rather in the thick of dealing with crud.

His family has the unsavory task of dealing with his recently deceased  and longtime estranged father's "stuff." He's found two suitcases full of papers to go through and there's still much more to find. But he needs a hazmat team to help him finish. 

No, seriously. Hazmat.

I'm trying like mad to get 3.0 squared away and get some speech services provided to her through our insurance, which is  a logistics nightmare at best.  Call the therapist - call the doctor - call the teacher - call the doctor back - call the therapist back - call the billing department back - call the insurance - call the insurance - call the insurance - email the therapist and the billing department..... 

We have a PPO, but we still have to use in-network providers or else. (Sort of makes you wonder why it's a PPO?)   But there are no in-network speech providers in my area. Or within the next 75 miles. And - gosh - there are NO approved speech therapists in all of Florida for my baby.

Seriously.

What do YOU think the chances are that they are going to cover my kid's speech?

Yeah - that's about what I thought.  At least I didn't have to traipse through bodily fluids to get my task completed. Mr. Mormon wins there. Fear Factor family issues trump my multi-media insurance capers. 

On top of all of that, my car needs an oil change, I need to make a total of six doctors' appointments for the kids and I, I continue to be coughing up a lung,  and my Scooba is still dead so I'm having to keep it old school in mopping.  (Old school meaning I use the carpet cleaner's hard floor attachment - I'm not REALLY mop-mopping. Puh-lease. I don't even own one anymore.) 

I wish I could hire someone to sort this all out for us. 

Seriously - I want to hire someone.  So - are any of you willing? I'll pay you what I make an hour to handle this for us.  Any takers? 

Thanks in advance!  You're so nice.  Seriously!  Call me when you're done - I'm going to the beach.

A (slow) day in the life of a Relief Society President

early-ish am - Roll outta bed and discover your husband will not be going to church today.  Do an (internal) happy dance because this means you have HELP getting kids ready for religion.

9:45 am - Curse that you promised 2.0 you'd curl her hair since Daddy was home and Mama was less-stressed than usual.

10:20 am - Rejoice as you've only had one call (and 3 emails) about church all morning  - and leave to go to church.

10:22 - Re-enter the house for all the things you forgot you have to deliver to folks at church. Smooch 3.0 good-bye again and (further) rejoice that you are minus one kid during Sacrament Meeting!

10:50 - Arrive at church. Immediately become surrounded with people wanting stuff/you/an opinion/an ear.  

10:59 - Apologize to a sister for saying "No" to her before she even got out her question (you could see that hymnal in her paw and suspected no good could come of it.)  Wonder if your menstrual cycle is on its way and know that this sacrament meeting will have greater significance seeing as you are in the midst of the repentance process with Hymnal Sister.  

11:15 am - During the sacrament, consider how you are truly never going to again snap at Hymnal Sister - shudder - and decide to set sights low at the Telestial Kingdom.

11:16 am - While the Sacrament is being passed, commit the children to visiting you in the Telestial Kingdom someday, and when they make a weird face, demand, somewhat hysterically, "Just promise me, OK?!"

11:30-12:05 pm - Watch the Stake President fall asleep during someone's talk and try to convince 1.0 and 2.0 that he is really sleepy from early meetings and they should not mock him. Inside - hysterically laugh and love that someone else is making a big impression for a change! Pray for him that he will not drool and that he wakes up without a start.

12:07 pm - Be saddened that Heavenly Father wasn't able to actualize your prayer and watch the poor Stake President jump to a start when the organ starts up.  Give 1.0 and 2.0 the evil eye so they will not mock him.  

12:15-1:00 pm - Make a fool of self by trying to participate in Gospel Essentials class.....that is now, apparently, in Spanish.  Construct a note to self to let others know there has been a change, or possibly plan on embarrassing an unsuspecting counselor by asking her to attend in your stead.  Think about that long and hard, and decide sometimes things are only really funny in your head.

1:01 pm - Repent again for Hymnal Sister faux pas and wish she could see how funny that was in your head.  Decide to really REALLY try to like her on top of love her.  Make mental list of her great attributes.

1:02 pm - Stop listing attributes and decide to set up the Relief Society Room.

1:10 pm - Round up sisters from the hall and beg them to come into Relief Society.

1:11 pm - Decide not to take offense at rolled eyes.  Assure yourself that sisters get things stuck in their eyes and need to roll them. Pray that their eyes heal.

1:15 pm - Fight counselor to be the one who gets to do the roll for the absentee Secretary. Counselor just got back from vacation - so you get to do the roll.  It's the least she can do for you seeing as your life is vacationless.

1:16 pm - Lose out to her about getting to look in all the Primary classes for Relief Society sisters.  DRAT

1:16-2:00 pm - Finish Relief Society and just love how great everyone is. Warm fuzzies abound.

2:10 pm - Go to Bishop's office to wait for Ward Council.

2:20 pm - Continue waiting. Realize (and smile, slightly) that everyone loves to talk to the Bishop and be grateful he's such a good guy.

2:30 pm - Sigh loudly and be glad your friend took 1.0 and 2.0 home for you.  

2:45 pm - Repent for the loud sigh and rejoice (for the third time on one Sabbath!) that someone brought homemade cinnamon rolls to the meeting.  Realize you are fickle.  Consider that this is another reason you'll be Telestial Kingdoming it up.

2:46-3:45 pm - Continue repenting.  Make a note to self to not complain next time someone says there will be another 5th Sunday lesson about Missionary work.  

3:45 pm -  Race to counselor's home to grab kids.  Share a cinnamon roll with her. Yumalicious!

4:30 pm - Arrive home - make food - wish Mr. Mormon would have sinned and ordered something so you didn't have to cook.  Repent.  Revisit the idea of sending him to cooking classes.  

4:45 pm - Phone calls begin.  Field calls...

5:45 pm - Wipe sweat from ear from having plastic shoved against it so long. Be glad the problems aren't yours.

7:00 pm - Finally hang up from calls and race over to a distraught sister's home. Her mother is dying and be so glad yours isn't.  Help clean - listen - love her more.

7:55 pm - Make calls on way to 8 pm meeting.  Find out counselors cannot come to the meeting. Find out the sister who hasn't been at church in 6 weeks is possibly going to the Mayo Clinic she's so sick.  

7:57 pm - Decide not to judge those who 1. Didn't home teach Sick Sister, 2. Didn't visit teach Sick Sister, 3.  Said unkind things about why she wasn't at church on Sundays.  Continue listening to her while she explains how bad things are.  Thank Heavenly Father for your health.

8:10 pm - Finally make it into meeting after sitting in driveway for 10 minutes listening to a crying sister - make about 3,000 Visiting Teaching changes seeing as about 8 families have moved in so far this summer.

11 pm - Thank Heavenly Father for all the new families and hope that it will take the load off of folks.  

11:01 pm - Call a distraught sister back to see if she still needs me to come and help her pack.

11:01.5 pm - Be kind of glad she didn't pick up and pray she can get it all done.  

11:20 pm - Finally make it home - talk to Mr. Mormon - craft emails about the state of Sick Sister and Mother Dying Sister until midnight.

12:30 am - Crawl into bed knowing I am getting up at 4:40 am to take Mother Dying Sister's family to the airport.

4:10 am - Get woken up extra early by 2.0 and 3.0.  2.0 lost a tooth and needed an audience.  3.0 insisted she was going to be sick and only cookies would help her.

4:11 am - Smile a little knowing that one day - all of this WILL be over and be grateful for all the people who did this before me FOR me!!!! 

Pink rooms - everywhere you go!

1.0 got her room updated. The theme she chose was "girlie boutique" and let me tell you - while I didn't love the process of painting the furniture...I am sure glad I did! It used to be an ugly stained wood brown and now it is sleek and stylish (click on photos to see them giant-ized - you know you want to know what those shapes are on the bed!) My favorite parts are the chandelier (thank you IKEA!) and the shelves on the wall where she showcases her "accessories."  It's not easy to see in this spread, but there is black and white polka dot (or "polka dotters" as 3.0 likes to refer to them) ribbon everywhere that I am so in love for.

I decided  a theme makes decorating a TON easier, but you have to watch it or you get really silly. At one point, she wanted an old timey cash register to put her jewelry in to complete the look.  Wait - that really is cool now the more that I think about it.  DANG IT!  This kid has better taste than I do!

We framed some Vogue photo spreads on the wall and let me tell you - I love Vogue!  It's been a long time since I perused one, but if you love fashion, it's a dream.  1.0 spent more time squirreled away drooling over the pages than she did helping me paint.

 Now, off to update 2.0's room.  I'm trying to convince her she doesn't want her room to be turrets with dragons popping out of the walls. argh

Rock out with my playlist

Turn up my tunes and jam while you cut some watermelon and fire up the grill.

You know you love Neil Diamond. And synthesizers.

You'd just forgotten.

Thank me later.

Mama and New Mama bond

Last night I went to visit my young friend who is  16 (17 next month) who is having a baby.

I don't know where to begin.  So, I'll start with the front porch.  And the menagerie of plastic animals and garbage in the yard and her biological mother who, along with her boyfriend, live in the shed next to the house but aren't "allowed" to go inside expect to use the restroom. 

She let me in - I had been warned she wouldn't - so I was immediately excited.  She was warm and gracious and was baking her friend a birthday cake.  She is really a darling girl and I told her I've missed her since I got the axe outta Young Women's.  We chit chatted a lot and fell into an easy pattern of just sharing and talking.

But it was hard to not notice the filth.  Dog feces, ants, rooms filled with junk to the ceiling...but New Mama had "cleaned" (a young person's version of cleaning - ya know?)  the living room, family room and kitchen and I could tell her pregnancy enthusiasm was lighting a fire under her to make some changes in her world. 

We talked about school and how all of that will work out and she showed me ultrasound pictures.  We talked about where she'd live and what she plans to do for money (she plans to become a cosmetologist and make $1300 a week and to live with her dad forever because he will be too lonely without her and he loves kids.)  

She believes she and her son can be a success because many of her neighbors were teen mothers who managed to "make it work." She told me she knows she and her son won't be featured on the cover of a Parenting, but she doesn't think that means he can't know he is loved and that she won't be a great mom.  

New Mama said to me, "My mom was never really around, but I always knew my dad loved me. We were unconventional, but we made it work and I know I can make it work with my son, too."  I wish those types of sentences had been placed in her paragraphs in such a way that I could get a word in to say, "Ahh, but there is so much better!  There is a more loving choice..."

There were times I literally did not know what to say. I had prayed for inspiration, but it was hard to get words out through the shock.  

She's very much in a baby honeymoon right now. She's got so many books on pregnancy, she's already met with a lactation consultant (she isn't due until November - phew), she has a stroller and car seat and a diaper service all lined up.  There are little baby clothes and tiny cowboy boots sitting out.  She was absolutely GLOWING about this pregnancy. I think that shocked me. I  didn't expect her to be so over-the-moon thrilled. It was hard not to get caught up in her euphoria.

She thinks it can all work.  She is very convincing and gets you to believe it too - even as you are staring at a pile of laundry that literally goes to the ceiling.  It's hard to love someone so much and be so shockingly appalled at what she thinks will work.  Heaven help us all through this. I don't know how she cannot be confused and disoriented, because I am.

I didn't broach the subject of adoption as my main purpose was trying to get to know her again. I am hopeful I will have the chance.  I did write this to Mrs. R earlier today.  

I am having a greater realization for the magnitude of grace and wisdom and true love that adoption is.  I thought I knew. I didn't, really. I'm sure I still can't comprehend it completely, but placing a child for adoption really is love.  Buying car seats and play pens and knowing your child will sleep where there is feces on the floor and ants in the dog food.....that's not really the highest exemplification of love. 

God bless birth mothers who place their children for adoption.  God bless every last one of them.  

So - there's the re-cap.

Step One - love the mother and reconnect - check.

Step Two - who the heck knows?  More of the same?  Share more about adoption.  Help her learn to be a mom?  Help her clean? Explain how she needs to establish child support through the courts if she keeps this baby like she's planning to. Explain that  there will not really be a crutch through this?  Teach her how to make nutritious meals (I had to walk her through making a cake from a box yesterday.)  Sit back and wait.  Take those things in order.  I dunno...

BFFs

Some of you are blogging and posting pictures of the things that are near and dear to your heart.  A blog shows the world what you love and what is important to you.  And this blog is no different.  This is a place for my family to share with you what is precious to us.  That said, let me take a moment to introduce you to two of my new best friends who are oh-so important to me.  

 

 

This is just a candid shot of my girls. They are so much cuter than this in real life!  You know, the camera adds 10 pounds…

They do everything with me!  These hard-working ladies help me tidy up and listen as I need to get things off of my chest (things like, “Am I the only one in this family who can see the dust bunny and do something about it? Well, apparently I am!”)  Some friends listen, but these girls listen - and they offer support. They get right under that bed with me and root around for the funk and the trash with me, all the while, listening to me gripe about it.    

And best of all - they help me to be better. They find stuff like this

 

and this

 

 

but they don’t just talk about the filth behind my back. They just get in there with me and help get rid of it. They never gossip about my grunge behind my back and they’re real problem solvers - two of my favorite attributes in a person!

So here’s to you, gals!  Seeing as I spend more time with you in a week than I do with half my more-human friends, I thought you deserved a post!  Thanks for keeping us clean!  Forget the wind beneath my wings - you are (sniff) my 12 amps beneath a plastic case…