Ask around. I'm not the jealous type.
I have green tendencies at times, but they're really pretty rare. Every few years, I'm guessing. I don't covet people's diamonds or homes or cars or children. That's not to say I don't have a tremendous number of other foibles - because I do. I really am a rotten, stinking person - I just don't suffer from jealousy a lot.
For a long time, I've enjoyed the music of Wicked. The girls and I dance around to it and looooove it. We know all the words.
This year, Jackie Oh and I read the book. Frankly, it's a smutty, trashy, yuck that she and I both put down more times than I can recall. I thought it was vile. I couldn't reconcile how such wonderful music could have sprung from such a pervy book. Still, I read on, because I was convinced I was going to see the play.
I had hoped to surprise Jackie with a pair of tickets for her and I to go and see it. Ohhh, I tried to get tickets. I tried and tried and tried. As soon as they were on sale, I spent half a day clicking and clicking and entering codes and waiting for best available seats - and the best deal I could find were tickets at $154 a person. And that price was before all the fees, taxes, and mandatory pre-paid $20 for the parking garage.
Needless to say, I am not taking Jackie. We suffered through the book for nothing. The sexual exploits of puppets - a husband and wife cheating on each other with the same man - yup - I read it all and skimmed what I could hoping somewhere in the text, it would tie in to the beautiful music I love.
It never did and I wish I could Clorox my brain out.
So - big deal, right? I'm not going. I'll just have left in my brain the rotten stinking book and someday I'll forget.
Except... Everyone I know is going. People who are broke, are going.
People who are students and don't work, are going.
People who have been in jail this year, are going.
People who are divorcing their spouse, are going. (With each other!)
People who complain they hate the theater, are going.
EVERYONE IS GOING BUT ME!
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
I keep asking the theater-goers if they have read the book. I haven't met a one who has read the book, yet.
And I wouldn't be so bitter, but I read that horrible book anticipating going - am not getting to go - and have that filthy book stuck in my brain! And no one else has the filth in their head AND they are going to hear the beautiful music.
What I learned from this is that I will never again read smut. OK - never is a long time, but not any time in the foreseeable future are smut and I going to hook up. I'm getting too old. I'm a prude. And in the end, what're the chances you'll get tickets to the musical after you endured the smut? Low chances, my friends. Loooow chances.
There. I got that off my chest. I'll carry on with my other vices now and leave jealousy behind.
Yours truly,
Elphaba
22 comments:
Oh mannnnnnnnn I'm sorry for you!! It's UNFAIR!! That's what it is!!
You are not the jealous type so that ought to EARN you tickets down the road.... Someone get God on the phone!!
Where is the humanity in all this!?!?!
Seriously, sorry you aren't going ( please tell me " she that shall not be named " isn't going )
If I'm looking at the website correctly, it's in Atlanta in Oct - you and Jackie should fly up and go!!
Jackie deserves this after her horizontal head dive last month!!
Me thinks a girls weekend away would be great for you both!!
WWJD??
Thanks. weep
I'm a sad and pathetic person to be so jealous.
I missed it in Tampa because something huge was going on - trying to remember - but by the time the huge thing was over, I couldn't get tickets.
This time - no tickets.
I wonder if Ole Brain Damage could fly?
Listen - you are so so so so not the jealous type that this is actually a GOOD thing!! Why?? It will motivate you to get OLD BRAIN DAMAGE ( why do I feel she would object to the OLD part more than the rest?? Forgive me Jackie...Mama made me play along! ) on a trip with you - you 2 would have a ball!! You both deserve it!! Let Captain Underpants and Mr. Mormon run a boot camp with the mini's while you're gone!!
Yes I know you typed OLE and not OLD but it didn't work with the humor.
You called my mom old. You're in trouuuubleeeeeeeee.
I'm so telliiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!
You call her worse - that's all I'm saying....for now.
I am still able to sit up, eat without dribbling and . . . READ. I just thought I might mention it. grrrr
MM is in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why does that humor me? LMAO!
Hey mama, I would be jealous to. It's not fair dammit!!!
Mom - did you see how Marksmomm called you old?
I'd pull her hair if I were you. I'm just saying...I'd never do anything so WICKED. (Get it, get it??)
Mama - is this the SAME mother that you said had a horrible sense of humor and made biscuits like hocky pucks??
Side note - I hate that dang code they make you type. More than once, I've had to type the thing 3 or 4 times because I couldn't read it properly. WWJD??
Trust me on this one - Jackie would just pick up the phone and leave you a funny message rather than deal with that dang code.
I am sure you are dead to Jackie. I'm just saying....
Jackie was dead to me a few weeks ago mon....I was making dibbs on her car when she was unconscious mon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't all this hoopla about something called "The Wiz"???? And you were surprised it was smutty??? I'm just saying....
BTW....I have dibs on everything and if you're nice I "might" share some things. Oh. Wait. She's still around huh??? Oops.....nevermind. Boy are we off the Christmas list!!!! Think I'll move out tonight before she wakes up. I don't wanna be here when she reads this.
Marksmomm....I'm thinking you should hide also. Old isn't a word she likes and remember this....she's been saving two weeks of coma anger to unleash on someone. I saw a bit of it the other night and she says she was holding back. Scared me BAD!!!! Me thinks you are SO DEAD!!! Also, I'm thinking Mama will rat you out, even though she started it!!! She's like that!
Coma anger?? That sounds mighty bad Underpants. I'm thinking you ought to tone down the hot pink boxers a bit before you egg her on some more.
WWJD?
I won't tell you that I saw it a couple of years ago.
I got free tickets.
Nope. I won't mention it.
Carrot is taunting you!!!!!! Mean ole Carrot!
To Do List :
Barnes and Noble ... Buy Wicked.
Hi! Just a lurker here. I had the exact same experience!! I read the horrible book, got the music and the cheapest tickets I could find in our area were $234!! Ridiculious!!! My sister-in-law got to go, and they always complain of money trouble. Unfair!
ROFL Drama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dying - yes!! yes!! YES!! We must have that book now!
"Pervy," that's a good description. I, too, love the music and read the dirty book from cover to cover. It was recommended to me by someone who should have known better. It's hard for me to give up on something once I started it. That's a flaw.
Anyhoo, head up, my friend. I don't think the musical would be worth seeing without Kristin Chenoweth anyway.
Camille and Annie - we are perv reading BFFs!!!! :)
gasp -I have an idea! We could have our own What the Monkey cast of Wicked! Clearly, Annie, you are Galinda. (HA!)
Drama - it's not your kind of pervy. We're not talking men in bubble baths - we're talking puppet sex and dominatrix animals. Bizarre....but the more I think about it - maybe it IS right up your alley.
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