Water park observations

Today, our family went to a new water park in our city. It was a blast. It was 2.0's birthday gift/party and a good time was had by all.  

As usual, my favorite activity was people watching. I could people watch all day if loitering weren't so frowned upon.  And when I watch folks, I try to learn from their successes and, well, their foibles.  And no doubt, they mine!

So here are some of Mama's Musings.  Feel free to chime in.

1.  Chubby-butted girls of America - hear me out. I am one of you.  I love the donut, too.  And we should not be ashamed of our bods. Nosireebob.  

But cuties, we must be prudent. There are swimsuits in our size that we should never wear. When we are, say, 450 pounds, we should, possibly pass on the two-piece swimsuit. 

Particularly, the skimpy, two-piece swimsuit.  

Particularly the skimpy, two-piece swimsuit that falls off in the wave pool.

I believe in you! I know you can find something sexy and large.  Don't stick to just Wal-Mart. It's time to google, darlings.

2.  Speaking of my larger angels...I know, ladies, it can be hard to find a great suit. Something fun that offers plenty of support and coverage and smooths out the parts that need smoothing - whew - it can be tricky. I know that!  

But let's not just go in the water in, oh, say,  a white t-shirt with no bra on underneath, and some shorts. 

See - believe this or not! - the rest of us are going to be able to see through that shirt when it gets wet.   

Now, we're not going to mock you for this mistake now, but let's try not to do that again, K?

3.  Let's just get this out there in the open. 

Men.  Back hair.  Some of you have it.  Some of you have a lot of it.

A lot lot.

OK - it's not your fault!  Blame your parents.  But let's consider some removal processes. 

This might not be for everyone - I get that. But for those of you who let your children sit on your back and braid it and put it in pony tail holders, it might be time to think about, gosh, even just a trim.  Take an inch or so off the top.

I'm just saying...

4.  Seeing as I've now captured my dude audience, let me just share this.  Women - you feel free to say it along with me.

No

man

who

likes

girls

looks

good

in

a

Speedo.

Evah.

Not when they are little boys - not when they are old - not when they are slim - not in the right kind of lighting....just plain never.

I could elaborate on the giant disservice it is doing for y'all, but I will take the high road.  Don't kill the messenger my friends.  It seemed like a good idea. It wasn't.  Don't make this bigger than it is - just live and learn - live and learn.

5.  Tevas.  Let's face it. These are insanely ugly shoes.  You know it - I know it - your feet know it.  Your feet weep when you pull those bad boys out.  

But let's not add insult to injury, good people. There's no need to have Tevas AND toes that look like this.  

Ultimately, I'd like to see you have neither, but, I will concede that perhaps I am in the wrong and Tevas' 1995-beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I should shut up. But I stand firm on this - there's no reason to have severely funky toes AND Tevas.  Choose you this day - fungi nails OR overly strapped, velcro-ed monstrosities.  

Not both.

5.  Bathing suits are for covering body parts. Not exposing usually hidden ones.

So, when you are spilling out of your top, it might be time to get a new suit. Clearly, your dryer did something horrible to your suit - it is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to hide your parts from us. 

Think of it as a game.  You hide your parts and we, ummm, well, we'll work on that part of the game at a later date.

I know - I know - in Europe, it's all good. But sadly, we're here. Bummer.  Now put the ta-tas away.  Because when you don't, it makes 3.0 say, "I see big, strong boobies!"

And while that is insanely funny to me, when you get all persnickety about it, you're just ruining all the best giggles.

There ya have it. Just a few of Mama's Musings about water parks.  Now, do you care to share?