Sure - Jackie might be in the hospital...

...but we can't only focus on that, can we?  

For those of you just turning in, my mom has been in the hospital and I have been nearly obsessed with her recovery (and showing considerable restraint, I might add) but it's time for me to move on. I can't keep reading on-line medical journals day after day about her prognosis and recovery and wondering if it's too late for me to become a nurse.  Jackie is going home today (I hope!!) and it's time to reflect on the other dramas and scares of my life.  

And my biggest drama and scare today?  The state of my home.  And more specifically...the state of my (disgusting) home pre-vacationing. And to the exact point - my biggest drama of the moment is the state of my (disgusting) home, pre-vacationing, with my mother-in-law staying here while I'm gone!

dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuum

I told you it was a big-o problem-o.

It's one thing to clean your home.  I consider my house basically tidy. Meaning, for the most part, things won't fall on you when you walk about it.  

But it's another thing cleaning for folks who will be staying in your home. It is a big job.  I feel like my mother-in-law should be able to find the dishwashing detergent without having to move 30000000 tea towels, 2 packs of Magic Erasers, and a year's supply of Clorox Wipes to get to it.

She should be able to get a measuring cup without having approximately 1.23 million Ziploc container lids fall on her head.

The woman should be able to find the toilet paper in the master bathroom.  Currently, it is sitting in a foot bath.  Do you think that's intuitive?

sigh - I didn't think you would.

Take Spring Cleaning and add OCD to it, multiply it by 2.5 neuroses and you get the level of cleaning one must do before your mother-in-law lives in your home and cares for your children when you are not there.

I tackled the kitchen yesterday. I cleaned the funk out of the fridge and freezer and realphabatized the spices in the pantry.  I relocated the hundreds of cleaning supplies under the sink so she won't think I'm wasteful.  I tried to address the cabinets.  That, gentle readers, is where failure began.  I had hoped to reduce the amount of carnage that happens when one opens that Ziploc container cabinet.  But I'm weak.  I found a  cookbook in there and started to read it instead.  weak weak weak

Last night I asked myself, "Self - what the monkey are you going to do?  This house is NOT ready for someone to live in it unless, of course, you want them to think you are a scum bum."

My innerMormon is, apparently, much less likely to give two rips if my mother-in-law sees the Diet Dr. Pepper (affectionately referred to here as DDP) lids under the sofa.  Her best solution was to leave the house as-is and pretend to have booby trapped it. When I told her April Fool's was over and she'd never buy it, my innerMormon suggested ignoring the messes and instead, making a "gross stuff" scavenger hunt for everyone.  The first person to find things like 12 year old Neosporin tubes in medicine cabinets and the kids' rotten Easter eggs hidden in the closets (that smell to high heaven but I can't find) could win a prize.

A prize like - never having to babysit here again!

I've decided to squash my innerMormon and go with my initial idea.