Ohh - the hits just keep on coming, homeys!
First, Mr. Mormon has kidney stones over Halloween. (Fun!) Theeeeen - the family gets the stomach flu. (Colonics are popular - how about some old school diarrhea? Is that chic?) Next lackluster moment - McCain loses (and explaining abortion to your nine and seven year olds isn't all it's cracked up to be - just so's ya know) and nooooooooooooow Mr. Mormon discovers he is only guaranteed work until 31 December of this year.
No - I'm not kidding.
2.0 suggested that Mr. Mormon leave his current career and become a famous SCUBA diver. I'm somewhat interested in that career path. I feel the world needs another Jacques Cousteau - and why couldn't it be Mr. Mormon? Sure - there are his constant skin cancer scares and motion sickness setbacks, but he's all about making a comeback. 2.0 also volunteered to work on cruise ships to support us and 1.0 told me I might as well get a job seeing as the children are pretty much grown up already.
In other news - I'm training to run a 5K and haven't kerplopped over dead, yet. Optimistically, I trudge to the gym each morning and start to feel all good about my running. That is - I feel self-assured until some cute young thaaaang jumps on the treadmill next to me, cranks it up to 6.5, and blasts past me. (Well, not REALLY past me, as you know, then she'd have to run through the plate glass window as we are on a treadmill and all - but work with me. I'm missing McCain.) I silently wish Miss Thaaaaang dead with the power of my mind and tell myself she might be hot, young, and a fast runner, but does she know how to clean a fishbowl in under 5 minutes before visitors come over? Probably not! SO THERE SKINNY HOT CHICK!
Some perkier developments (no - I didn't get the breast augmentation -sheesh!)... Both my big girls got straight As this 9-weeks and 2.0 is back at gymnastics post broken arm. WOOHOO! Additionally, 3.0 is apparently, the Duck Whisperer. It was pre-K day at the farm on Monday, and my baby was the ONLY kid to catch a duck and snuggle it in the petting zoo. She would sneak up behind them and grab 'em and we'd all laugh! Of course, with our luck, she will probably come down with Bird Flu. But then we can sue and pay the bills. Oh yes! Our bad luck may finally - literally! - pay off!
4 comments:
Note to self - turn down volume before popping onto Mama's blog.
You know - life sure isn't boring at your house is it?? Do you ever wish for a teeny bit of boredom?
Hey....SCUBA diver isn't such a bad idea, if you think about it. I mean, heck, he'd be out of the sunlight, so the skin cancer thing is a moot point. Then while down under he could catch you dinner for free, saving numerous costly grocery bills, (though catching Tater Tots is somewhat iffy). Also you could live on a houseboat so all he has to do to get to work is fall over the side. I'm thinking that this could also help during any arguments. When he makes you mad you could tell him to go to work and push him over. You go #2!!!! What an idea!!
Number 1's idea is pretty good too. You could become a 'fishwife' (oops....sorry), pun intended.
I'm outta here before I get in more trouble.
I love it! Those are great ideas!
Hey - ask YOUR fishwife what I'm supposed to bring for family dinner. I emailed the old hag and never heard back. Boss her!
Are we all dead to "jackie" aka fishwife??
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