How was your Thanksgiving, folks? I thought about Nancy Face as we were deep frying turkeys. I must say that the smell did traipse on in the house and smelled delish, and I wondered if her turkey smell would make it indoors, as well. We made two turkeys and have - ohhhh - an entire turkey plus some left.
Leftovers.
Something about leftovers just does me in. They make me nervous. I don't want to waste. I feel like I've been entrusted with this food (that frankly, no one else wanted) and I don't want to let it down....I don't want to disappoint my family and let it rot in the back of the fridge.
I see the food and feel overwhelmed. Ziplocs and Rubbermaid containers take over my refrigerator and I get a bit apoplectic. The fact that all that tasty goodness is entrusted to my care makes me apprehensive. I wonder to myself, "Can we possibly eat all this before it gets fuzzy?"
"Do I have leftover stuffing recipes?"
"Will the children eat gravy-cicles if I swear to them Santa feeds them to the reindeer?"
The very thought of everything going sour makes me think, "Mama - do your part and eat some of it now, woman!" Each time I open the fridge door, I feel I must sample something to help it disappear. If I eat another chunk of food every hour, eventually, it will all be gone - and none will be wasted.
Right?
The problem is, I'm going to pop soon. I can't eat much more. The kids don't eat a lot and Mr. Mormon doesn't really help get rid of the food. He doesn't have dinner guilt. Get this! If he doesn't want to eat it - he just doesn't! He doesn't keep picking at it until finally, he whittles it to nothing. It doesn't bother him in the slightest that a can and a half of cranberry sauce is going to die in the fridge on our watch. He just ignores it!
Men.
Clearly, he is no help to me to get all this food gone. I need a partner. And that is why I have made the decision to get a tapeworm.
A tapeworm will be my holiday food friend! I just swallow my little buddy and eat all I want....and all he wants too! The food will not go to waste and....the food will not go to (my) waist. WIN WIN! Tapeworms are hungry and I have a lot of food sitting here needing to be eaten. All I need to do is make a quick, wiggly swallow. Then I can sit back and wait for my little buddy to do all the work.
Ahhhhhh - problem solved! Just another thing to be grateful for.....tapeworms.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
3 comments:
And you smirk at my raccoons, possums and wild cats. HA! Who's laughing, now? hehehe I will say the woods sounded a little . . . ummm . . . threatening, last night, once the turkey carcass hit the ground. And, feel free to pretend, on this blog, you are not related to me. What must educated, literate readers think of someone who scrounges for leftover, to toss into the woods, in the middle of a fairly good-sized city? Poor Mama . . . one cannot choose one's DNA donors and how scary is that thought, to you? Yahoozers and chomp, chomp, chomp! :-)
You can name him "Wiggly". Just be careful when you tell Mr. Mormon that you feel 'Wiggly'. He may get the wrong idea.
I'm just sayin...
Ohhhhh someone's been watching too many episodes of HOUSE.
Tapeworm, Schmapeworm.
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