Yucky things I would rather do...

...instead of accompanying 3.0 on her play date.

1.  Get my teeth cleaned.

2.  Clean my home.

3.  Clean someone else's home (depending on the filth factor.)

4.  Organize a closet.

5.  Organize my food storage.

6.  Clean out the kids' art cabinet.

7.  Babysit.

8.  Take the kids to the beach alone.

9.  Clean my carpets.

10. Clean out my car.

11.  Clean out the fridge.

12.  Call the VT Supervisors and find out why I have no reports, yet this month.

13.  Call all the sisters who are struggling and check in on them.

14.  Ask the missionaries if they visited the folks I asked them to, and see what they had to say.

15.  Steam clean the dining room carpet the dog keeps tinkling on.

16.  Speaking of dogs - get them groomed.

17.  And pooper scoop the back yard.

18.  Weed the flower beds.

19. Paint 1.o's furniture like I promised.

Ohhhh - I could go on and on.

I'm coming to a realization.  I just don't love going on play dates for the kids anymore. I am tired of trying to make 3.0 play with other kids when she really just wants to be left alone. I am tired of racing around a park in the 100 degree heat, when usually, I just take my kids, read my book, and go to a land far, far away in my head. I am tired of encouraging 3.0 to be nice when she really wants to shriek.  I am tired of disciplining my kid in front of someone I don't know well and then having to make explanations about her crazy behavior.  I am tired of keeping a conversation going with someone who is, essentially, a stranger to me,  when I have about 3,000 other things to do and I know my kid does NOT want to be here. I am tired of convincing 1.0 and 2.0 that they could indeed get along at the "little kid park" for a couple of hours and not be so self-absorbed.

I fear I've gotten old.

I love meeting new people.  But I am tired of play dates.  From here on out, I might just say, "Let's go to dinner, OK? Please don't make me make my kid play with yours. PLEASE!" 

With my big girls, I realized early on that play groups were not for me. I didn't like the chaos and inevitable fighting, or the tears, and cajoling kids into sharing.  Now with 3.0, I have come to the realization that play dates aren't a ton different. The whole time we're "playing" I'm thinking of the slide show I want to be working on for my friend, the gal who is 16 and preggers that I am trying to contact, all the phone calls I need to return (including one to the dance teacher - whatever could THAT be about?), how I am going to get 3.0 to talk more.....my ADD totally kicks in and I can't relax and enjoy the play date.  

Park play dates leave me feeling like a referee, a child psychologist, and a sidewalk food vendor all rolled into one.

I really HAVE gotten old, haven't I? I am weak and small-minded and unkind. Sadly, it would appear, in my old age,  I have developed issues, my friends....whodda thunk?  And the worst part of all of this is knowing I will NOT really skip out on kids' play dates because I want them to grow and learn and have to share and have some friends.  

sigh

 

Dear Homeys,

Love, 

Mama

Now, for the longer, more serious, more mama-fied version.

Thanks for the emails and comments and reasonable advice and for worrying about this young mother with me. Thanks for opening up your hearts and sharing your stories and helping me get a clue on how to help this mom and her child.

Thanks also for your patience as I use the wrong words, say the wrong things, and muddle my way through appropriate adoption/teen mother lingo and sentiment. I am trying to learn!

I think when some folks envision the internet, what often comes to mind are inappropriate pictures, Dateline exposes on child predators, and their cousin who is (unsuccessfully) using eHarmony.

It's too bad that we don't often associate goodness with the Net. I have many anonymous and real life pals who come here and have reached out and have offered assistance and guidance for this tricky situation, as well as many others. And I thank you for your time.  I know time is a precious commodity - and I appreciate you giving me, these issues, and these women I serve some of your extra minutes.  In my heart, I want every sister's situation to receive my best educated and enlightened attention.  Y'all sometimes help make that happen!

Life is a little wonky here at the moment, and if I can't comment quickly, please know I am still very appreciative.  I feel like between the Spirit, my family, my insightful and perceptive real-time counselors, and my many e-counselors, I am made better and more fully able to offer assistance to others. Thank you... I hope I can someday pay y'all back - just - ya know - not with cash...because I like to buy stuff...he he he  

So here's to you! 

Please help your friendly RS President

No - that little angel is not growing in me.

One of the Young Women in the ward (aged 16, I believe) is now pregnant and unmarried.  I got the call late last night that she will probably be moving into Relief Society with us now.  I think, provided she will come, that everyone will be wonderful to her. She is a darling girl, really, but has been rather edgy and unkind to the other young people for some time now, and has pretty much quit coming to church for anything but the sacrament. She is still kind and good to the adults - so I think moving up to Relief Society would be a fresh start for her. And we have such a welcoming group, I think she has the potential of fitting in just fine, if she wants to.

I have so many questions on what to do!  I am a big fan of adoption, but I hear she has already made the firm decision to keep the child.  She might marry the father - who is not a member of our church and also in high school (the girl had dropped out of high school some time ago which was shocking as she had been an Honors student and very high achieving, but I believe now will start taking some GED classes.)  Do I ask her about adoption? Do I just listen?  So far on that front, the farthest I've gotten is having her (and maybe the dad) over for dinner and to talk. Or maybe lunch out with her and my Presidency?  Except, ya know, we'd have all OUR kids in tow...

There is so precious little money in that home - it's just absolute poverty.  I know folks will help out with the initial new-baby costs - but what then?  Does she understand how expensive and time consuming and life altering this will be? Is it my job to help her see that or to just support her?  Or is my job to support her, but confirm the scary realities when she finally observes them?  How far do I go? Do I take her to register for baby things when she won't consider adoption or do I just call once a month and ask how she is?  (Her mother is - gosh to not go into too much - just horrible to her and will not support her, I don't believe.  Her father is a total pushover and a good, good man.)

Our graduating seniors just moved into Relief Society and we made a big fat deal over them their first Sunday with us...there were posters, flowers, balloons - we shared things their families wrote about them and just had a great time that day.  Does she slip quietly in the back now? Do I make the same fuss? Do I treat her like a new move in and take a casserole over while I try to get to know her? 

Ohh, I could go on and on with my worries for her and for how I'll support her.  I'll pray for inspiration.  In the mean time, if someone would like to be my inspiration at the moment, I'd be so grateful.  Anyone have some real life experience dealing with this situation that you'd like to share? 

So bad - so funny

What are you not sloppy about?

Tonight, our family had to have 

A TALK.

Some little folks's mouths were getting the best of them lately and we've had some issues with typical summer antics.  Bossiness, whining, eye rolling and hair tossing, picking fights with sisters - those types of things needed to be addressed now before they got to be too much. Now, I have to say, we have great kids - but even great kids need reminders about what the rules are.

We had a discussion over dinner about some of the unacceptable behavior and we told the kids just how fantastic they really are.  Typically, we have kids we can take anywhere and not be embarrassed. They're the kind of kids who when you say, "It's time to leave" they don't whine - they pack up - and they sit by the door patiently waiting while their mom (who talks too much) doesn't shut up for another half an hour. We know how great they are and we just needed to remind everyone of some family rules.

Nearing the conclusion of our discussion, we wanted to be sure they understood why we were talking about these things and we wanted them to know how much we love them.  We hoped they'd know that when their behavior and choices are good, we can do so much more as a family.  So we said to them, "Do you know why we are telling you these things? Why we're reminding you of the rules and how we need to behave?"  

And 1.0 said, "You're telling us this stuff because you don't run a sloppy place."

I loved that line!

In the moment, sloppy parenting is a lot easier.  And trust me, I do more than a fair amount of it. I wish I was a better mom - especially seeing as I am married to SuperDad.  If I were a better mom, I wouldn't look so pathetic in comparison.  But I do appreciate that the kids noticed that we aren't trying to be dictatorial or unkind or overbearing - we're just trying to not be sloppy in our dealings in our family.

I needed that reminder this week - to not be sloppy about what is important in life.  Thanks kids!

So, is there/was there anything you refuse(d) to be "sloppy" about?  (And my apologies to those who read the other blog.  But I thought this might be a good discussion topic!)

Oh. My. Stars

My favorite is the grandma who sometimes disappears into the flag.

Oh man, I'm dying laughing here....

Summertime!!

Oh what do YOU do in the summertime?  (LDS homeys - crank up the jammin tunes!)

Got any fun summer plans?  We're not going anywhere (at least - no where major) and are having the hot new vacay - the Staycation.  That's a fancy way of saying we're staying at home, doing nothing.

The kids have a couple of low-key camps and we'll do swim lessons and some things with friends. My big goals for the summer are to help the big girls learn to cook more and to get Annie caught up some for next school year.  She'll be reading, writing, and 'rithmetic-ing it up so that we can get some gains made.  At least, that is the plan.  

Last summer, we didn't have the money to do many fun things and I didn't even get away with my friends like  I'd planned to. In some ways, it was rough - don't get me wrong. There was a (snotty, catty, unattractive) disappointment in not having the opportunity to do some fun things.  But in time, I did come to enjoy the lack of schedule and routine and how many fun things we got to do that we otherwise would never have.  We read tons of books together and then would watch the movies, I achieved THE perfect tan, and we bonded. We played more with the neighbors and had tons of sleepovers and simple, spontaneous parties.   I was sad to see my little homeys go to school at the end of vacation. It didn't start off as the summer I'd been dreaming of, but it did end up rather lovely (minus diverticulitis.)

Speaking of having a summer you weren't dreaming of - a little cutie (link below) is having a rough patch. I thought I'd link to her here so that if any of you have experienced something like this, you could share with her.  I know when I have experienced trials, it has helped immeasurably to know someone else who has been through it and who can show me the ropes. I didn't know if any of you might have a clue?  And I think we all could send warm thoughts her way...  http://www.busybeelauren.blogspot.com/ 

Ok - I'm going to the pool.  Last one in is....Marksmomm!!

Can I feng shui with Annie?

OK Annie - here is my front entryway.  Are we carpet twins?

(mama sits with her fingers crossed, and eyes closed, and tries to establish where in her home is the best chi...while she awaits the verdict)