Mama's Top Ten List of Almost New Year's Resolutions

I'm not making resolutions this year. But if I diiiiiiiid make some, they'd look about like this...

Number 10

I resolve to not sigh audibly when the crazy sisters stand up in Relief Society to bear their testimonies. Instead, I resolve to keep the sigh inside and also, to try to look engaged instead of at my feet. 

Number 9

I resolve to not have malevolent feelings to those who are inactive, but still want help moving/packing/with meals after their precious babies are born/a food order so they have more drinking money.  I know these hateful feelings only hurt me. And really, I want to hurt them.  So I will be more brave and just say, "Do you FEEL like a loser asking the Elder's Quorum to help you move since you've denounced God and all religion? Have you heard of a moving company and your family?"  

Summation: I will be more direct in my communications.

Number 8

I resolve to bring my own chalk and eraser every time I teach on Sunday, thereby keeping me from having to go in the damp, strangely flourescent-ly lit church library and beg Bro. Aficionado Talksalot to pleeeeeease hook me up with a chalk stub.  This will spare me from listening to mini-dissertations on subjects including sciatica, his new job, dog care, and other miscellany.  Additionally, this should add another 10 minutes to my Gospel Doctrine attendance and probably a year to my life.

Number 7

I resolve to have more casseroles at the ready so that I no longer need to ask anyone to deliver a meal to a needy person and can just do it myself.  Less hassle - less time on the phone begging for assistance - and less blessings for anyone but me.  WOOHOOOOOO

I might also change my name to "Sister Martyr."

Number 6

I resolve to cry less in Relief Society when I see the distress in the lives of others.  Allowing my heart to shrink 2 sizes too small will assist in that effort.

Number 5

Shrink heart.

Number 4

I resolve to babysit other people's brats, I mean, precious darlings, no more than one time a month.  (In total - not per family.)  Additionally, emergency babysitting drop offs where mothers feel that ex-husbands are going to come and try to steal the children and MIGHT have  a gun with them will no longer be entertained.

Number 3

I resolve to care less about Visiting Teaching numbers and to not let the stake/the VT Supervisor/the Bishop/sensitive sisters/my own feelings of inadequacy/my worries for these women make me go and do everyone's visits for them.* 

Instead, I will post a tasteful sign on the Relief Society bulletin board citing,  "The first time you complain about your Visiting Teaching route, I will listen and make adjustments. The second time you complain, you are the new Visiting Teaching Leader.  I no longer believe in inspiration for callings - it just goes to the one who snarks last.  Got it?"

*see Number 5 - Shrink heart.

Number 2

I resolve to pay more attention to my children and less attention to the grown women who act like children.

And Number 1

I resolve to keep on loving the weary and difficult to love and to blog off the tension with my favorite Monkey homeys!

Thanks for always hearing me out and keeping me sane, good peeps!