The Axe

Blessed day of peace and rest. Mr. Mormon got the axe from the Bishopric! 

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

Now, I am top banana in this monkey palace. :)

Lots of folks had such nice things to say to Mr. Mormon on Sunday and he was thanked for his service. The Primary President broke down crying several times when he was telling her how nice it was to have served with her. I think they've been through so many trials together, and it was an emotional time for her to think she has someone new to break in.

Now, he's back off to the clerk's quorum, where he is happy, un-stressed, and not in charge of Cub Scouts, Deacons, Primary, the library, Activities Committee, 11-Year-Old Scouts...oh he is doing the happy dance of joy!

Having a member of the Bishopric married to the Relief Society President was insane.  But it did have some perks that I will miss.  Sitting next to him in meetings was nice...but sitting next to him in sacrament will be nicer.  We still won't drive together to church, so we're continuing our 9 year separation that way - but he will no longer be at church on Sundays for 8 hours and on Wednesday nights and most Saturdays.....AT ALL!  He has a tricked out-retro styling office to hide from Sunday School in and I have a less-stressed, happy hubby.  Life is good!!

Riddle me this?

Why is it that female Olympic swimmers are covered from neck to ankle in a state of the art, NASA inspired suit...

...and female Olympic volleyball champs are in skimpy bikinis?

If my bits and pieces were diving for balls in the sand, I'd want that top outfit on, myself. 

This week in, "Is this a sin?"....

...we examine the level of sinfulness of the following transgression.

---Forgetting it is Fast Sunday, and gulping a Diet Dr. Pepper to recover from a friend's shocking email revelation.

Rate that sin.

Totally Telestial

Somewhat Satanic

Aufed in Outer Darkness

You know your family...

...has an engineer in it when everyone spends the better part of their weekend playing with a physics tool on the computer to make a Roub Gouldberg machine.

You know you are old when you go into Old Navy to find a new frock and realize you've owned every style featured in the store at some point in your life.  

You know you are old and crochetey when you refuse to buy anything because you already lived long enough to learn - 

A. white pants look good on virtually no one larger than a size 2.

B.  there are few virtuous reasons to wear a gold lame bathing suit.

C.  baby doll dresses look best on folks with no breasts, hips, or bums. Or, well, baby dolls.

You know you have OCD about placement and symmetry in decorating when you  are discontented with how some IKEA storage boxes are looking in the corner of the family room, so you seriously consider an addition for better chi.

You know something is off in the world when you see plenty of normal folks driving cars when you are out on the road - but in the DMV, you are the only one doesn't seem to have a steel plate in her head.

Organizing Visiting Teaching is really...

...just like playing a giant Bejeweled game of people.

Think about it.

If you were ever a Visiting Teaching Coordinator, you know that comment just spoke to your soul.  You're just trying to get three in a row.   But then, one person moves, and suddenly, everything slides down a spot and something goes ka-boom.  And just when you get it all fixed and in place - you level up and start all over.

Dang profound, isn't it?

Pods are not just storage units

Help me good folks inside my computer!

I am looking for some great podcasts to grow attached to in my copious spare time. Any recommendations? Be aware that I'm a nerdy girl and like educational and churchy things, as well as news stories - generally - I prefer things that make my brain bigger.   Things for kids would be cool, too.

So?  What'cha got for me?  

Thank you, people of the interwebs!

Seriously!

Between Mr. Mormon and myself, we're rather in the thick of dealing with crud.

His family has the unsavory task of dealing with his recently deceased  and longtime estranged father's "stuff." He's found two suitcases full of papers to go through and there's still much more to find. But he needs a hazmat team to help him finish. 

No, seriously. Hazmat.

I'm trying like mad to get 3.0 squared away and get some speech services provided to her through our insurance, which is  a logistics nightmare at best.  Call the therapist - call the doctor - call the teacher - call the doctor back - call the therapist back - call the billing department back - call the insurance - call the insurance - call the insurance - email the therapist and the billing department..... 

We have a PPO, but we still have to use in-network providers or else. (Sort of makes you wonder why it's a PPO?)   But there are no in-network speech providers in my area. Or within the next 75 miles. And - gosh - there are NO approved speech therapists in all of Florida for my baby.

Seriously.

What do YOU think the chances are that they are going to cover my kid's speech?

Yeah - that's about what I thought.  At least I didn't have to traipse through bodily fluids to get my task completed. Mr. Mormon wins there. Fear Factor family issues trump my multi-media insurance capers. 

On top of all of that, my car needs an oil change, I need to make a total of six doctors' appointments for the kids and I, I continue to be coughing up a lung,  and my Scooba is still dead so I'm having to keep it old school in mopping.  (Old school meaning I use the carpet cleaner's hard floor attachment - I'm not REALLY mop-mopping. Puh-lease. I don't even own one anymore.) 

I wish I could hire someone to sort this all out for us. 

Seriously - I want to hire someone.  So - are any of you willing? I'll pay you what I make an hour to handle this for us.  Any takers? 

Thanks in advance!  You're so nice.  Seriously!  Call me when you're done - I'm going to the beach.