Body fluids are your friends

Usually, getting a new Bishop is fun and exciting. Unless, of course, you are the auxiliary President who most closely associates with the Bishop and you are afraid for who will be called. Our Bishop was called to the Stake Presidency and that is lovely for him and for all of us, I suppose.

But now, I'll get a greenie. Or even worse - I'll get someone who's done it before and is set in his ways and crotchety.

I heard once in an Escape class that if victims want to get away from the perp quickly, two of the most effective things they can do is to urinate on themselves or vomit. 

I already have a plan of action for my first ward council meeting.

Do I hear a double dog dare?

I might use the old puke and pee on some other folks, as well.

I think I can say I love all the women in my ward. I can't think of any I don't love, at least.

There are a few I'd like to spank, though.  :)  I have a sister I've done about 4 food orders for and she's never filled any of them.  But then she comes back weeks later asking for another.

Then there's the sister whose ideal food order for 2 people for 2 weeks included 34 pounds of meat, 24 desserts, and ohhh, about 20 pounds of flour.  She didn't love me when I told her we needed to menu plan and that this order needed an adjustment.

I was recently stormed out on and had a door slammed at me for telling someone she needed to ask the Bishop for a food order, like everyone else.  There was an interesting conversation that I had lately wherein it was determined I should personally pay for folks to drive others to the storehouse since it wouldn't be right for me to ask someone to serve another for nothing and it also wouldn't be right to ask the church to reimburse people for their gas. And finding out that sisters didn't attend RS Temple Night (they said they couldn't because they had a major athletic event the next day) and I discovered later that they went to see High School Musical 3 instead was yet another un-uplifting moment of this Presidency.

But there is plenty of good.  (Think of the good, Mama.....concentrate...concentrate....) In fact, 99% of this job is just lovely and I enjoy serving folks and being a sounding board. I am honored that women let me in their lives and share their most private issues with me so we can problem solve and help them get ahead.

I got not one but TWO lovely emails last week telling me what a great President I am. How nice is THAT? I was amazed anyone would take the time out for that and am honored anyone would think I don't suck.  Overall, there is a lot of joy and happiness to be had in this calling. 

But that's not to say I wouldn't mind puking and more-purposefully-tinkling to get out of a couple of jobs sometimes.  I'm just saying....

Back in the saddle again!

Hola homeys!

I don't know how many of you are left - weep.

I had to make my blog disappear-y for a while seeing as my darling ward was on a hunt to find it. Now mind you, they have the family blog link, so you'd think they'd let me off the hook - but nooooo. Their search effort combined with my lack of computer (I dropped it one too many times - oopsies) caused me to shut down for a bit.

But now I'm re-grouped and ready for bear. Bare?  I never can remember.

Anyone still care to play along?

The Axe

Blessed day of peace and rest. Mr. Mormon got the axe from the Bishopric! 

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

Now, I am top banana in this monkey palace. :)

Lots of folks had such nice things to say to Mr. Mormon on Sunday and he was thanked for his service. The Primary President broke down crying several times when he was telling her how nice it was to have served with her. I think they've been through so many trials together, and it was an emotional time for her to think she has someone new to break in.

Now, he's back off to the clerk's quorum, where he is happy, un-stressed, and not in charge of Cub Scouts, Deacons, Primary, the library, Activities Committee, 11-Year-Old Scouts...oh he is doing the happy dance of joy!

Having a member of the Bishopric married to the Relief Society President was insane.  But it did have some perks that I will miss.  Sitting next to him in meetings was nice...but sitting next to him in sacrament will be nicer.  We still won't drive together to church, so we're continuing our 9 year separation that way - but he will no longer be at church on Sundays for 8 hours and on Wednesday nights and most Saturdays.....AT ALL!  He has a tricked out-retro styling office to hide from Sunday School in and I have a less-stressed, happy hubby.  Life is good!!

Riddle me this?

Why is it that female Olympic swimmers are covered from neck to ankle in a state of the art, NASA inspired suit...

...and female Olympic volleyball champs are in skimpy bikinis?

If my bits and pieces were diving for balls in the sand, I'd want that top outfit on, myself. 

This week in, "Is this a sin?"....

...we examine the level of sinfulness of the following transgression.

---Forgetting it is Fast Sunday, and gulping a Diet Dr. Pepper to recover from a friend's shocking email revelation.

Rate that sin.

Totally Telestial

Somewhat Satanic

Aufed in Outer Darkness

You know your family...

...has an engineer in it when everyone spends the better part of their weekend playing with a physics tool on the computer to make a Roub Gouldberg machine.

You know you are old when you go into Old Navy to find a new frock and realize you've owned every style featured in the store at some point in your life.  

You know you are old and crochetey when you refuse to buy anything because you already lived long enough to learn - 

A. white pants look good on virtually no one larger than a size 2.

B.  there are few virtuous reasons to wear a gold lame bathing suit.

C.  baby doll dresses look best on folks with no breasts, hips, or bums. Or, well, baby dolls.

You know you have OCD about placement and symmetry in decorating when you  are discontented with how some IKEA storage boxes are looking in the corner of the family room, so you seriously consider an addition for better chi.

You know something is off in the world when you see plenty of normal folks driving cars when you are out on the road - but in the DMV, you are the only one doesn't seem to have a steel plate in her head.

Organizing Visiting Teaching is really...

...just like playing a giant Bejeweled game of people.

Think about it.

If you were ever a Visiting Teaching Coordinator, you know that comment just spoke to your soul.  You're just trying to get three in a row.   But then, one person moves, and suddenly, everything slides down a spot and something goes ka-boom.  And just when you get it all fixed and in place - you level up and start all over.

Dang profound, isn't it?