HELP!

It's the end of the school year here, and ohhh, that's always an adventure!  I have been trying to get the house ready for the onslaught of kiddos here 24/7.  I like to go into summer pretty organized so that I can be frustrated by the end of day two with the mess the place has become.  

This week, I did a quick project to get the stairs looking less disgustingly grimey.  I painted the bottom half of the stairs (where little hands most frequently go) a dark color so that it hides more grime and is more wipe-able. It was a quick easy project, provided you have a laser level.

I still need to remove the  carpet and finish putting up some more (new) pictures - but those are good summer projects.  Summer, children, and nails in the floor are always a good mix!

I'm realizing more and more that I love being a homemaker. That is SO not an avant-garde thing to say and I'm sure feminists everywhere would shudder, but I love making my house feel more comfortable and providing a place where my family can find peace and be a little better. Is that nuts? Perhaps - but it's my nuts and I enjoy doing it.

Oh - but I was going to ask for HELP and I've digressed!  I mean, I found a great "help" song to accompany the post and everything - how could I have forgotten?

Riddle me this?  It's the end of the school year (you might have remembered me mentioning that a few paragraphs ago) and I've been getting all the end of year teacher's gifts ready.  I like to get them nice things that they don't already have around - and NOTHING apple-y. Ohmystars - they are not orchard tenders - they are educators.

And so that stuff is (mostly) set. But what about folks like dance teachers and piano teachers? Do you usually get those individuals things at the end of the year?

I ask because I have always gotten the dance teachers things at the end of the year, and never once have they acknowledged it. No thank you, etc.  Am I doing the wrong thing? I notice no one else sends anything in and they look at me like I'm wonky when I do.  I'd think they'd come out and say "thanks."  The last two years, one of the teachers has told my girls, "Just put that over there."

I don't want to appear ungrateful - I am grateful for the business they provide - but they are being paid (rather handsomely) for their service. And if they seemed like they enjoyed the gifts or eeeeever mentioned it, it'd seem more special. But for now, it seems like a duty and as they aren't ever commenting, I'm wondering - am I off the hook?  Or should I downscale? Make cookies or something less pricey? Last year I got them dinner out - the year before, they got pedicures...those are examples of the things I've been getting for them...is that too much? Is that what I'm doing wrong? Am I embarrassing them with the "wrong" types of gifts?

hmmmm - HELP!

(OK - everyone help me FAST because I need to post about the argument at book club and for that post, I need to play my great Kung Fu Fighting song, and I don't want y'all to miss either jammin' tune!)

Just so ya know...

...I believe things should live up to their names.  If you say you are butt paste, I know immediately what you are. Same with carpet cleaner or stain remover.  I would expect those things to, respectively, paste my bum, clean my carpet, and remove my stains.

Which brings me to my point that...Fantastik is not so much Fantastick-y.

I was told it was the best stain remover out there. I wondered about that claim, seeing as it doesn't say "stain remover" on my bottle. (Is there another Fantastik?)  Perhaps my mother-in-law was smoking crack when she made that claim? 

It isn't the best stain remover. In fact, it hasn't gotten a single stain out, yet.  And it managed to ruin a shirt.  A very high-quality $2.50 Wal-Mart flag tee is now trash, good people.

So, I finally moved Fantastik from the laundry room to the kitchen. I thought surely there, it would live up to its name.

Nope.

It's not Fantastik at cleaning off your range.  It's not Fantastik at cleaning the smudges off of your very white fridge. It's not Fantastik at getting grime off the counter.

Folks, it's not even Groovy or Helpful.

It could pass as Marginal.

I just thought I should let the world know.  

Don't you wish TV was better?

I thought I'd let ya know what is ahead for me this week, and that I might not be around.  Quit yer sniveling...you'll get through it.  

I'm probably no more busy than you are, but I handle it worse.

It's already Tuesday (YIKES!) and I have 2 of my newest Relief Society girlies graduating from high school today, so I need to scoot about and get flowers and goodies to them.  That will be fun!  Of course it's gymnastics day, so it'll be a tight squeeze to get it all taken care of, but I'm an expert at that.

Tomorrow is our last dance class day of the season - but more importantly - it is BOOK CLUB night! We'll be reviewing Escape (and I still contend that polygamy eerily parallels The Bachelor) and my house is a wreck!  So I must clean and make some treats for the shin dig.  I also need to figure out what time my book group is meeting.  I really must pay better attention to details.

Thursday is back to gym and a host of classmom/church responsibilities to take care of and most importantly - it's the day to get ready for our big, fat, dance recital weekend!  WOOHOOO  

I don't have the kids' costumes altered, yet (whoopsies) and it'll be one day of rehearsing and one day of recital-ing and a lot of running around and sweating. It's a veeeeeeery long production and I'm planning on moving to the Zen portion of my brain to get through it.  

On top of these small things, I still have a calling (and a sister who has to find new housing by this Sunday and she has lost her job - argh!) and working out AND I decided to do something highly religious this week.

In my copious spare time, I decided to re-read The Book of Mormon this week.  

What was I thinking?

I've felt snark-y and not very patient with people lately.  This is evidenced by my saying to someone about her disdain for her Visiting Teaching route, "We're all big girls and we can do hard things - I believe in you."

Umm, that wasn't probably the answer she was looking for.  That was evidenced by her 0_0 (deer in the headlights) face back at me.

I thought that maybe doing something like this would help me feel more peaceful and help me get things in perspective. We'll see. You don't need to tell me that a massage would also bring about peaceful feelings and hurt my eyes less than reading.  he he  

But I need to get on top of my spiritual game and I think this will help me as it has in the past. I feel a lot of pressure to always be spiritually ready for drama now.  This morning, I awoke to a 1:30 am email from a sister asking if I was awake as she needed someone to talk to.  I love her and would have been happy to talk to her at 1:30 am about whatever it is, but I was sleeping.   Anyhoo - I'm just trying to get at the point that there's never rest from the advice giving/listening ear having aspect of my life, so I need to be prepared.

In (near)  conclusion, If I'm not here, I'm probably doing something relating to any of those things - or am enjoying just the general moments  of motherhood - like grocery shopping, cleaning the dirt off the ceiling of the guest bath, or explaining puberty to 1.0 (because her friend and cousins didn't do a very thorough job.)   

Clearly, you will all be torn up over my absence.  I'd suggest watching some TV. But seeing as there are very few good shows on this week, you might be sunk.

In  that case, I'd further suggest you recall some old shows you used to love, and relive them in your heart and mind. Now THAT sounds entertaining!  Once upon a time, there were so many good shows.  Watch them again in your mind's eye...and share here what shows you miss!

Cuz we are living in a material world

I'll admit it. I like stuff.  I'm not really a material girl, but I do love some of my loot.  A lot.

I have some jewelry that I love.  I mean LOVE love.  I got a ring a while back that all the kids knew about and kept a secret and I often wear it instead of my wedding ring. I love it because it was gotten for me by everyone and it was a total shock.  Oh, and I love it because it is gorgeous. It's a favorite possession of mine.  An equally favorite possession is the giant jewelry armoire it goes in.  Thanks, Mr. Mormon!

I have many pieces of children's art that are treasures to me.  I have my kids' art all over my home and some of it is even framed and hanging on the walls.  Kid art is candy coated preciousness to me.  I'm staring at a red paper plate crab now, complete with googly eyes, that I think should be in the Met.  

I also love my car.  My friend calls it KIT from Knight Rider because it can do anything.  She got upset one day when *I* messed up and used the wrong voice command and it didn't reinterpret what I meant and do it anyway.  She said it should have read our minds - he he.  Anyway - I love its blackness and shininess and sun roofs and how the OnStar folks call me Mr. Hillis.  I love me some sun on my head - at least when there is air conditioning blasting on my face.

So - why am I sharing this?  I was thinking - if I had to choose a prized possession, what would it be?  My scriptures I've had for 10 years that have traveled all over with me and are well marked and falling apart and have seen me through lots of trials?  My dining room table that I think has the smooshiest chairs out there?   My hammered aluminum lovingly given to me by family members that makes me so happy every time I put appetizers on it?

I guess overall, my most prized possession (and of course, I'm excluding relationships and people from this category) is probably my home in its entirety.  Does that count as one possession? Or have I broken the rules? But, while my home isn't perfect, it makes me happy and all the little things in it have a lot of meaning to me.  

And if we deem that one can't claim one's home in its entirety as a favorite possession, then, I guess I'm an equal opportunity lover of all my stuff and have no favorite.  I don't want them to get jealous of  each other and wreak havoc one day when I step out.  Ya know?

Care to share? What is your prized possession? Do you have one?  Do you care? Are you so un-materialistic, you are embarrassed by my wanton love of stuff?  (If you are  - then you must not have known me for long!  har!!!)

Ruh-roh

Rah rah Ree

I hope a pound came off of me!

Rah rah RAAH

Instead I'm saying waaaaaaaaaah!

I've eaten salads for lunch most days.  I've exercised every day but one.  I chose healthier snacks - or none at all. I've consumed enough water to flood a New Orleans levy.  I did have some peanut butter one night after 7 pm. Sue me.

So far,  I have felt hungry more often than not. And I've successfully gained 2.5 pounds.

Even I have to laugh.  And don't start the whole, "I'm sure it's muscle" stuff - we both know that's a lie. I didn't gain 2.5 pounds of muscle in a couple of days.  Thanks for trying, though! The entire thing makes me snicker at myself.

Clearly, I will have to listen to my theme song more frequently as I'm not giving up, yet!

Oh-oh-oooooh muffin top...

you'll always be

o'er the top of my jeans!

Bad old muffin top.

Muffin top Mormonyyyyyyyyyy

Once again - pause my player and laugh!

Even I have standards

I like some reality TV.  Specifically, Project Runway and Dancing With the Stars have captured my heart. I was a huge fan of The Mole - a game wherein the contestants have to figure out who among them is sabotaging their capture of the grand prize - and am looking forward to its revival.  (I also like Real Housewives of New York City, but would probably deny that when not under the cover of anonymity.)

I like smart reality TV.  Or at least, reality TV that does no harm.  Ok - reality TV that doesn't do significant harm.

Then, there's The Bachelor.  aie yie yie

I have never watched The Bachelor on the pure principle that it's demeaning. Self-respecting women line up for a chance to woo someone.  Aren't we past that place in our history?

Last week, I caught the end of The Bachelor. I was channel surfing and got to witness the grand proposal.  The Bachelor was oh-so-romantic. He used her full name....."Monkey."  Oh yes he did!  He said (this is nearly an exact quote), "Monkey, will you marry me?"  sniff - who could say no to such a romantic proposal?  (I have to wonder if he actually knew her name, what with all his dalliances...)

I've been thinking about why this show bugs the tar out of me. I'm not exclusive with high-minded television; certainly Project Runway isn't making the world a better place.  And I'm a pretty silly girl.  I love to laugh about most anything and I don't take myself too seriously.  One might think the ridiculousness that is The Bachelor would be right up my alley.

But I do take the place of women in the world pretty seriously.  So many women have spoken up and spoken out against being treated like a piece of meat. And here we have a gaggle of girls all competing for arranged dates with a man that producers tells them is "a keeper."  Ladies living in a house competing for one man's attention...grown women sniping at each other over a guy's affections...

Puh-lease.

I just finished reading this book.

I take autobiographies/memoirs with a grain of salt. But if half of what this woman wrote is true, her life was rather horrific.  She spent much of her life trying to escape a polygamous cult. 

She risked her life to leave a culture  where her marriage was arranged by someone who told her this man was "a keeper"...to escape ladies living in a house competing for one man's attention...to escape grown women sniping at each other over a guy's affections...

I'd love to have a woman who has escaped a polygamous cult marriage talk to these bachelorettes.  Just for an hour.