BFFs

Some of you are blogging and posting pictures of the things that are near and dear to your heart.  A blog shows the world what you love and what is important to you.  And this blog is no different.  This is a place for my family to share with you what is precious to us.  That said, let me take a moment to introduce you to two of my new best friends who are oh-so important to me.  

 

 

This is just a candid shot of my girls. They are so much cuter than this in real life!  You know, the camera adds 10 pounds…

They do everything with me!  These hard-working ladies help me tidy up and listen as I need to get things off of my chest (things like, “Am I the only one in this family who can see the dust bunny and do something about it? Well, apparently I am!”)  Some friends listen, but these girls listen - and they offer support. They get right under that bed with me and root around for the funk and the trash with me, all the while, listening to me gripe about it.    

And best of all - they help me to be better. They find stuff like this

 

and this

 

 

but they don’t just talk about the filth behind my back. They just get in there with me and help get rid of it. They never gossip about my grunge behind my back and they’re real problem solvers - two of my favorite attributes in a person!

So here’s to you, gals!  Seeing as I spend more time with you in a week than I do with half my more-human friends, I thought you deserved a post!  Thanks for keeping us clean!  Forget the wind beneath my wings - you are (sniff) my 12 amps beneath a plastic case…

Just so ya know...

...I believe things should live up to their names.  If you say you are butt paste, I know immediately what you are. Same with carpet cleaner or stain remover.  I would expect those things to, respectively, paste my bum, clean my carpet, and remove my stains.

Which brings me to my point that...Fantastik is not so much Fantastick-y.

I was told it was the best stain remover out there. I wondered about that claim, seeing as it doesn't say "stain remover" on my bottle. (Is there another Fantastik?)  Perhaps my mother-in-law was smoking crack when she made that claim? 

It isn't the best stain remover. In fact, it hasn't gotten a single stain out, yet.  And it managed to ruin a shirt.  A very high-quality $2.50 Wal-Mart flag tee is now trash, good people.

So, I finally moved Fantastik from the laundry room to the kitchen. I thought surely there, it would live up to its name.

Nope.

It's not Fantastik at cleaning off your range.  It's not Fantastik at cleaning the smudges off of your very white fridge. It's not Fantastik at getting grime off the counter.

Folks, it's not even Groovy or Helpful.

It could pass as Marginal.

I just thought I should let the world know.  

101 things to do with a shoe holder

Or, like, two. Maybe three.  Ten, tops.

First, take your average, everyday door.

Next, add your average, everyday mess. (I'll let you just imagine your cruddiest looking mess right now - visualize - visualize....we'll wait until you are ready.)

Mix the two together and a wondrous thing happens!

All the odds and ends from Super Saturday crafts and kids' school projects now have a home. FINALLY - a place for extra ribbon and the hot glue gun that is NOT a kitchen cabinet or anywhere in your bedroom closet!  

It's like a closet door/crafty mullet. Business door in the front - mess in the back. Oh yeah!!

With a simple shoe caddy, kids' hair stuff becomes well-organized and it's easy to find the perfect bow to coordinate with your new monkey-sneakers. Arrange the accessories in color coded order and have some roygbiv peace of mind.

But wait - that's not all! You can hang one over the door between the garage and the house and folks can put keys and wallets and cell phones in a handy spot! Small toys can easily be stowed away and found again with a glance!  And no floor, counter, or closet space has been utilized. From the front, you have a nice looking door. Only your family knows the little secret that hides on the back!

Why I am not a candidate for the Nobel Prize with these types of suggestions for more peaceful living, I will never know.  Al Gore has nothing on me!  You want peace - you live like this baby!

Life is unfair

We all know life is unfair.

This week, I experienced, firsthand, some of the unfairness of it all.

Riddle me this.  Why, if I have ignored the exercise room in our house and  have not set a toe in that puppy in months, is it filled with dust and grime and funk?  

There were dust snakes hanging from the ceiling fan.  I was tempted to just keep it running so no one noticed.  :)

It seems fair that if you've given up using a room in the home, it should stay dust-free and sparkly, does it not?

Just to show that room who is the boss, I'm back to working out. If I am going to have to clean you, I might as well use you.  That's long been my mantra for children, and I'll now apply it to housekeeping. 

Life's a cruel, cruel joke.

Sure - Jackie might be in the hospital...

...but we can't only focus on that, can we?  

For those of you just turning in, my mom has been in the hospital and I have been nearly obsessed with her recovery (and showing considerable restraint, I might add) but it's time for me to move on. I can't keep reading on-line medical journals day after day about her prognosis and recovery and wondering if it's too late for me to become a nurse.  Jackie is going home today (I hope!!) and it's time to reflect on the other dramas and scares of my life.  

And my biggest drama and scare today?  The state of my home.  And more specifically...the state of my (disgusting) home pre-vacationing. And to the exact point - my biggest drama of the moment is the state of my (disgusting) home, pre-vacationing, with my mother-in-law staying here while I'm gone!

dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuum

I told you it was a big-o problem-o.

It's one thing to clean your home.  I consider my house basically tidy. Meaning, for the most part, things won't fall on you when you walk about it.  

But it's another thing cleaning for folks who will be staying in your home. It is a big job.  I feel like my mother-in-law should be able to find the dishwashing detergent without having to move 30000000 tea towels, 2 packs of Magic Erasers, and a year's supply of Clorox Wipes to get to it.

She should be able to get a measuring cup without having approximately 1.23 million Ziploc container lids fall on her head.

The woman should be able to find the toilet paper in the master bathroom.  Currently, it is sitting in a foot bath.  Do you think that's intuitive?

sigh - I didn't think you would.

Take Spring Cleaning and add OCD to it, multiply it by 2.5 neuroses and you get the level of cleaning one must do before your mother-in-law lives in your home and cares for your children when you are not there.

I tackled the kitchen yesterday. I cleaned the funk out of the fridge and freezer and realphabatized the spices in the pantry.  I relocated the hundreds of cleaning supplies under the sink so she won't think I'm wasteful.  I tried to address the cabinets.  That, gentle readers, is where failure began.  I had hoped to reduce the amount of carnage that happens when one opens that Ziploc container cabinet.  But I'm weak.  I found a  cookbook in there and started to read it instead.  weak weak weak

Last night I asked myself, "Self - what the monkey are you going to do?  This house is NOT ready for someone to live in it unless, of course, you want them to think you are a scum bum."

My innerMormon is, apparently, much less likely to give two rips if my mother-in-law sees the Diet Dr. Pepper (affectionately referred to here as DDP) lids under the sofa.  Her best solution was to leave the house as-is and pretend to have booby trapped it. When I told her April Fool's was over and she'd never buy it, my innerMormon suggested ignoring the messes and instead, making a "gross stuff" scavenger hunt for everyone.  The first person to find things like 12 year old Neosporin tubes in medicine cabinets and the kids' rotten Easter eggs hidden in the closets (that smell to high heaven but I can't find) could win a prize.

A prize like - never having to babysit here again!

I've decided to squash my innerMormon and go with my initial idea.