Mama's handy tip of the day

If you purchase a new brasierre to better support you during workouts....

And if, saaaaaaay, the undergarment is not offering the anticipated benefits and, in fact, rather hurts when you move more than one inch in any direction...

Then....it is a worthwhile endeavor to check and see if said undergarment is on, uhhhh, inside out. Because you might have just really hurt yourself for nothing.

Additionally, I'd advise one to check on the inside-out-status of the support item before spending, let's see, most of the entire day flinching in pain at movements even as small as a yawn or, well, the raise of an eyebrow.  Really - just check it out.  

I'm just saying. You'll thank me later for that handy tip, homeys.

Excuse me! I think I've got a heartache

Ohh - the hits just keep on coming, homeys!

First, Mr. Mormon has kidney stones over Halloween. (Fun!)  Theeeeen - the family gets the stomach flu.  (Colonics are popular - how about some old school diarrhea? Is that chic?) Next lackluster moment - McCain loses (and explaining abortion to your nine and seven year olds isn't all it's cracked up to be - just so's ya know) and nooooooooooooow Mr. Mormon discovers he is only guaranteed work until 31 December of this year.

No - I'm not kidding.

2.0 suggested that Mr. Mormon leave his current career and become a famous SCUBA diver. I'm somewhat interested in that career path. I feel the world needs another Jacques Cousteau - and why couldn't it be Mr. Mormon?   Sure - there are his constant skin cancer scares and motion sickness setbacks, but he's all about making a comeback.  2.0 also volunteered to work on cruise ships to support us and 1.0 told me I might as well get a job seeing as the children are pretty much grown up already.  

In other news - I'm training to run a 5K and haven't kerplopped over dead, yet. Optimistically, I trudge to the gym each morning and  start to feel all good about my running. That is - I feel self-assured until some cute young thaaaang jumps on the treadmill next to me, cranks it up to 6.5, and blasts past me.  (Well, not REALLY past me, as you know, then she'd have to run through the plate glass window as we are on a treadmill and all - but work with me.  I'm missing McCain.)  I silently wish Miss Thaaaaang dead with the power of my mind and tell myself she might be hot, young, and a fast runner, but does she know how to clean a fishbowl in under 5 minutes before visitors come over?  Probably not! SO THERE SKINNY HOT CHICK!

Some perkier developments (no - I didn't get the breast augmentation -sheesh!)... Both my big girls got straight As this 9-weeks and 2.0 is back at gymnastics post broken arm.  WOOHOO!  Additionally, 3.0 is apparently, the Duck Whisperer. It was pre-K day at the farm on Monday, and my baby was the ONLY kid to catch a duck and snuggle it in the petting zoo. She would sneak up behind them and grab 'em and we'd all laugh! Of course, with our luck, she will probably come down with Bird Flu. But then we can sue and pay the bills. Oh yes! Our bad luck may finally - literally! - pay off!

Body fluids are your friends

Usually, getting a new Bishop is fun and exciting. Unless, of course, you are the auxiliary President who most closely associates with the Bishop and you are afraid for who will be called. Our Bishop was called to the Stake Presidency and that is lovely for him and for all of us, I suppose.

But now, I'll get a greenie. Or even worse - I'll get someone who's done it before and is set in his ways and crotchety.

I heard once in an Escape class that if victims want to get away from the perp quickly, two of the most effective things they can do is to urinate on themselves or vomit. 

I already have a plan of action for my first ward council meeting.

Do I hear a double dog dare?

I might use the old puke and pee on some other folks, as well.

I think I can say I love all the women in my ward. I can't think of any I don't love, at least.

There are a few I'd like to spank, though.  :)  I have a sister I've done about 4 food orders for and she's never filled any of them.  But then she comes back weeks later asking for another.

Then there's the sister whose ideal food order for 2 people for 2 weeks included 34 pounds of meat, 24 desserts, and ohhh, about 20 pounds of flour.  She didn't love me when I told her we needed to menu plan and that this order needed an adjustment.

I was recently stormed out on and had a door slammed at me for telling someone she needed to ask the Bishop for a food order, like everyone else.  There was an interesting conversation that I had lately wherein it was determined I should personally pay for folks to drive others to the storehouse since it wouldn't be right for me to ask someone to serve another for nothing and it also wouldn't be right to ask the church to reimburse people for their gas. And finding out that sisters didn't attend RS Temple Night (they said they couldn't because they had a major athletic event the next day) and I discovered later that they went to see High School Musical 3 instead was yet another un-uplifting moment of this Presidency.

But there is plenty of good.  (Think of the good, Mama.....concentrate...concentrate....) In fact, 99% of this job is just lovely and I enjoy serving folks and being a sounding board. I am honored that women let me in their lives and share their most private issues with me so we can problem solve and help them get ahead.

I got not one but TWO lovely emails last week telling me what a great President I am. How nice is THAT? I was amazed anyone would take the time out for that and am honored anyone would think I don't suck.  Overall, there is a lot of joy and happiness to be had in this calling. 

But that's not to say I wouldn't mind puking and more-purposefully-tinkling to get out of a couple of jobs sometimes.  I'm just saying....

Back in the saddle again!

Hola homeys!

I don't know how many of you are left - weep.

I had to make my blog disappear-y for a while seeing as my darling ward was on a hunt to find it. Now mind you, they have the family blog link, so you'd think they'd let me off the hook - but nooooo. Their search effort combined with my lack of computer (I dropped it one too many times - oopsies) caused me to shut down for a bit.

But now I'm re-grouped and ready for bear. Bare?  I never can remember.

Anyone still care to play along?

The Axe

Blessed day of peace and rest. Mr. Mormon got the axe from the Bishopric! 

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!

Now, I am top banana in this monkey palace. :)

Lots of folks had such nice things to say to Mr. Mormon on Sunday and he was thanked for his service. The Primary President broke down crying several times when he was telling her how nice it was to have served with her. I think they've been through so many trials together, and it was an emotional time for her to think she has someone new to break in.

Now, he's back off to the clerk's quorum, where he is happy, un-stressed, and not in charge of Cub Scouts, Deacons, Primary, the library, Activities Committee, 11-Year-Old Scouts...oh he is doing the happy dance of joy!

Having a member of the Bishopric married to the Relief Society President was insane.  But it did have some perks that I will miss.  Sitting next to him in meetings was nice...but sitting next to him in sacrament will be nicer.  We still won't drive together to church, so we're continuing our 9 year separation that way - but he will no longer be at church on Sundays for 8 hours and on Wednesday nights and most Saturdays.....AT ALL!  He has a tricked out-retro styling office to hide from Sunday School in and I have a less-stressed, happy hubby.  Life is good!!

Riddle me this?

Why is it that female Olympic swimmers are covered from neck to ankle in a state of the art, NASA inspired suit...

...and female Olympic volleyball champs are in skimpy bikinis?

If my bits and pieces were diving for balls in the sand, I'd want that top outfit on, myself. 

This week in, "Is this a sin?"....

...we examine the level of sinfulness of the following transgression.

---Forgetting it is Fast Sunday, and gulping a Diet Dr. Pepper to recover from a friend's shocking email revelation.

Rate that sin.

Totally Telestial

Somewhat Satanic

Aufed in Outer Darkness