All in a day's work, folks.

I'm not just a wife, mom, school volunteer, and Relief Society President (who harbors children) - I am a (wait for it)

RESCUE HERO!

Drama-O - this story sounds like it should have taken place in your world.  But it happened to little ole me. Plain Mormon Mom.  Well, Plain Mom turned RESCUE HERO!!!

My friend is having a baby today and had to be at the hospital at 5 am.  I told her I'd come to her home at 4:30 am so I could babysit and she wouldn't have to wake her son.

So, I was toodling down the road minding my oooooooown 4-something-in-the-morning business when what to my wondering eyes did appear but a car flying backwards into a house....and the bushes of that home catching fire?

Immediately, I dialed 9-1-1.  Then I saw a dude jump out of the car (that was now stuck into the home's front porch) and run to the end of the block.  The fire at the home was getting bigger - mostly the car was now engulfed, but a third to a half of the front porch was now burning and it was spreading easily. While I was on the phone with 9-1-1, the punk jerk firestarter face jumped into another car and drove the heck AWAY!

OH YES HE DID, TOO!

I wanted with every fiber of my being to follow his smarmy buns down and perform a Citizen's Arrest, but sadly, there was one of me and someone's house was on fire, so I really needed to tell the people inside that they were in dire straits more than I needed to stalk a criminal.

I kept the fire rescue man on the phone while I went on the (firey - yes FIREY) porch and rang the door bell about 300000000 times.  A woman comes out to see a car, now engulfed in flames, on her front porch. She had a fire extinguisher, but it didn't do a fat lotta good.

I was still on the phone with fire rescue man when I heard a loud "pooooooof" noise and he said, "Are you still OK?"  He'd heard the loud poooof, too.  It was, apparently, a tire exploding. He told me to get out of there as all the tires would probably explode.  I was really only too happy to get off the porch because by now, the fire was pretty hot and pretty big and definitely not more than 10 feet away from me.

I raced off of the porch and was finally able to give the home's street number to the rescue man. Fire trucks were still 4 minutes away, he told me, but he said I'd done all I could do and needed to stay away.  I'd already made the same determination that I wasn't going in to save animals and fish and stuff.  I'm cool - but I'm not THAT cool.

I had to leave before the fire trucks and police got there as, well, I still had to babysit so a family could get their new daughter!  I left my info there and then watched the news like a hawk to get the scoop.

When the angel I'm babysitting woke, I quickly loaded him up so we could go back to the scene of the crime. I met the woman whose doorbell I'd rung and she just started crying and saying she couldn't believe I did it.  The neighbor had had her home run into by the car, as well. When she looked out the window to see what had happened, she also saw the flames, and sent her son to the back door to alert the family. She'd called 9-1-1, as well. Apparently, she didn't know I'd already been rescue heroing it up for them, but that's OK. There's room in town for two of us.

The home that was crashed into had a major support pillar knocked off it's (huge) front porch. The house is inhabitable, as the fire didn't spread there, but there's no going on the porch - the roof is not fully supported.  

The home that was on fire is pretty bad.  They have removed the car (it was stolen.) The porch and the front first floor of the home and pretty well destroyed. Windows broken out, etc. Apparently, if I am understanding it right, I didn't need to tell the woman her house was on fire as the car crashed almost into her bedroom!!! 

The perps fled and there aren't a ton of leads right now.  Interestingly, the on-duty security officer who was about 6 houses away neither heard the huge loud crunch sound of the car crashing into not one but two homes, but he also never noticed the fire.  Real crackerjack of a guy, huh?  

They believe 2 cars were drag racing, one lost control and went into the two homes, and then the other car came and picked the escaped driver up.

All of that before 5 am, folks.  I'm expecting a key to the city and a medal of valor any time now. No one has contacted me about it, but I'm sure it'll be coming.  Maybe they'll have a parade and name a park or something after me.  Ya never know!

You want to dance with stars?

Then come over and boogey with my big girls!  They just got in the school talent show! 

79 acts entered, but 20 were chosen (at least - that's what the mommy-rumor mill is reporting.) They'll be doing a jazz dance to You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray.

Each act that was chosen gets to work on advertising the event.  1.0 was selected in her group to make a poster that will get to hang on a real live SCHOOL WALL!  Oh yes!  Her poster - on a school wall - announcing a Mormon family dance!  Their lives are now complete.

I have few demands as a mother of my children, but there are a couple of must-dos.  Someone in the house 1. WILL be an Olympian, and 2. WILL be a professional dancer. And it seems we're well on our way to accomplishing number two.  I mean, I'm not personally on my way to making number two.  Two being a dancer, not ummm, you know, the other Number Two.  One of my kids might end up dancing - not pooping. I mean, they all poop - that's going well here. Not that I check...I just don't hear complaints about it. But this is about dancing, not pooping....

When I cleaned my home yesterday...

...I'd envisioned it staying clean(ish) and being lovely for a while. Friday is Spring Break, but yesterday was my last day to clean before the mania of having kids at home with nothing to do starts. Once they are all here all day every day, who knows when the toilets will be cleaned again, ya know?  

I mopped everything - cleaned the front porch - power vacuumed - did the woodwork - refilled the fountain and cleaned it - tackled THE STAIRS - threw out dead plants - etc.  Ahh - the beauty that is sterilization and a clean house with no kids in it!  

Then I called Jackie-Oh and was going to camp out over there last night to celebrate her old-lady-birthday with the miniMormons!

That's not exactly how things panned out for the Mormon fam.  I ended up emergency babysitting 6 kids in my freshly-clean-scented-candles-a-burning-windowsills-vacuumed-out-weeds-all-pulled-house.  Add those 6 to my 3, and it was a kid-fest.  There was one middle schooler at the event, but she was a little too preoccupied chatting with a boy on her cell phone to be  a ton of help.

I am learning to love being the Relief Society President, but I'm wondering if I'll ever get used to the emergencies of the sisters.  Yesterday, I gained several new temporary children because a gal's estranged (recently excommunicated) husband decided to become a stalker and leave her crazy messages and try to take their children out of school without her knowledge.  While she went to get that sorted out, I got the kids because 3 guard gates could work to protect her babies.   

Nine kids and one mom are hard on a house.  It's not a trip to watch your freshly cleaned house be destroyed.  A giant sliding screen door is now ripped down - the net around the trampoline is in shreds - there was dog poop all over the freshly mopped floor - every game we own has pieces sprawled around the second floor - my mom's birthday got wrecked...

But my kids are safe and happy. My husband loves me (somewhat) and I don't have to worry about him harming us or leaving town with our kids.  I have the blessing of living a good good life - just  in a home that's in a bit of disarray.  My friend can't put her life together right now without a tremendous amount of work and pain.  My home is in disarray - her life is.  And the life of her kids.  It's pretty easy to see which I'd choose.

I'll take the spilled juice and dirty socks by the door.  I am grateful to be the babysitter  - my problems are small. 

I don't know if the many sadnesses of this calling will ever quit shocking me.   This morning, I've already gotten a call that one sister's son has run away from home (he's now found) and another sister's husband is stuck in a broken down car (a family of six's only vehicle) about 40 minutes away needing a ride back home. There's a message here I still have to deal with - the employment center would love to help a sister find work, but the people interviewing her say she looks like a meth-addict - could I work on getting her a makeover? She has recently lost her job and is the sole breadwinner for her six children.  She's too mortified to even tell her family she's lost her job, yet. 

I see these trials folks have and am grateful, thankful, and happy to live my life and to have made the choices I made.  I'm glad to have a house that folks can come to and take a load off for a while.  I know I can't save anyone, but I'm glad they can rest here.

Now, I'm off to a bread making class!  (I bought her a bread pan, too. Just covering the bases...)

Addictions are bad

One shouldn't be addicted to anything.  Even an addiction to something conceivably good can lead one down a bad, slippery slope to yuck-ville.  Take, say - an addiction to working out. It can lead one to be completely preoccupied about her figure, her weight, and it will make her no fun at parties.  

I try to keep some balance in my life and avoid addictions. But sadly, of late, I've failed.  I've seen that Tree of Addictions and I'm standing on the Trunk of Shame. I need to let go, but I'm weak.  I'm weak to Reality TV.

First, it was Project Runway.

Then, Dancing with the Stars.

And now....weep....

Real Housewives of New York City

Oh yes I do too like it.  And beyond just liking it, I'm totally drawn in like a moth to the flame.

I want to know about Fashion Week and Trunk Shows and the Hamptons. I want to see Ferarris and people flying private planes between Martha's Vineyard and the Hamptons at 5k a pop. I want to know how the other half lives. I'm weak to it!  It's the brownstones and being wait listed at pre-Ks and having a car service that just sucks me in and keeps me coming back for more. Thank goodness for insomnia last night so I could get caught up.  

Apparently, you do not need to be an actual housewife to participate in this show.  One is a countess (which I barely think counts), 2 others have full-time jobs, and one is not married.  There is a "true" housewife who has a French au pair for her boys, Johann and Francois. Rough life.

 

Is there a 12-step-program for my addiction?  

(Mom - you'd be in love with this show. I think you would too, Momi.  Watch it with me and I'll be your enabler!!)  

Shock and awe

Two things I never in a million years thought I'd ever say:

1.  Priscilla Presley is enjoyable to watch on DWTS.

2.  I had a good experience going to the Wal Mart super center today.

I know!  SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!

Pris isn't someone I'd invite to my sleepover, but she's reasonably enjoyable to watch dance. Her face (surprisingly) moves a lot more than I thought it would considering it's state of Botox-ness.

And today - at Wal Mart - not only was I first in line for a register, I was greeted out in front of the lines by someone asking if I was ready to check out.  Knock me over with a yellow smiley!!

The mighty mighty 1.0!

Today, 1.0 and 2.0 got to experience firsthand why I, and so many others around the world, have a fierce love of....

KICKBALL!!!!

If I've said it once, I've said it a good 5 or 6  times....straight out of high school, I should have been drafted onto a major league kickball team. In my mind, I'd envisioned making my first million as a professional kickball player - traveling the world - seeing the sights - making the cover of a Wheaties box.

And then, much like the 1992 basketball Dream Team members, I pictured myself stepping down from professional kickball for a short time in order to play for the US National Kickball Team in.....(duh)  THE OLYMPICS!  

I wasn't sure if we'd take home the gold. My imagination allowed for some big egos on our team that might thwart our ultimate victory. But I knew no matter what, I'd clearly be America's kickball version of Mary Lou Retton.  Well, Mary Lou plus some height and minus a leo.  I think we'd be equals on the vault.  But I digress...

I've often told my daughters of my great love of the sport.  They know of my glory days and my prowess on the clay.  And today - they tasted of the goodness that is kickball.  I was so happy and so proud to realize they follow in my footsteps (or kicks, as the case may be) as 1.0 made (now mind you - this was her first ever introduction to the sport!) a HOME RUN!

OH YES SHE DID!!!!

Someone in this family is gonna be an Olympian yet! That kid isn't going to get picked last on the team tomorrow, I'll tell you that right now!  Oh yeah...that's right...jump back........be afraaaaaaaaaaid of that fierce 40 pounds...chicken legs my butt - those are home run legs baby...

My kids are real kids - they do plenty of real kiddie stuff, like arguing and making messes. But today, they really impressed me.

When I woke up, the big girls were snuggled up on the sofa with their Easter baskets on the floor next to them.  And they were watching TV.  So I looked at the TV, and they were watching a movie about Easter and the Resurrection.

sniff

Happy Easter, everybody.